From the Bottom of the Bucket

Where there is no Gardener, there is no Garden

I have written in the past about the Japanese garden in my backyard.  We call it The Sanctuary.  It is over thirty years old now and has come to be my favorite place on Earth.  Over the years, it has been cared for by a succession of younger friends, but none of them with the attention of Rodney, our current gardener.  He has been a friend for many years and we are humbled by his contribution.  He teaches by example and his innovative thinking is only matched by his love of plants.

It has been said that a garden is a place where Nature and Man come together to contemplate one another.  That is certainly true in The Sanctuary.  As my wife and I are besieged with the decay that comes with aging, the garden is a constant reminder of the Cycle of Life.  The animal life that visits prompts you to remember that our world is populated with many species and that Nature cares little for the ego of Man. The waterfalls provide a constant backdrop of soothing sound to spirit away the noise of Life.

But none of this would be possible without Rodney’s efforts. For there is a difference between Natural and Wild.  It is inspiring to watch the garden blossom under his care.  It is a partnership in every sense as they need each other.  How many times are we guilty of thinking the world revolves around our exclusive efforts - that our opinion is Truth and our points of view are exclusively accurate?

We all need a place where we can put things in perspective and we need to visit it often. We also need a Rodney to groom this Retreat for renewing Energy. Without them, our Spirits wither.  Those of you that have these precious gifts, be thankful.  If you don’t , make the effort to get them.  It will be worth it.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

The G4 Letters

(Editor’s Note: I am upgrading my format to reflect a different take on my observations.  This month, our first great grandchild (generation four, or G4), Oliver, came into our lives. One of my muses (thank you Chris) suggested that I write an open letter to this young lad.  It is my intention to have him read it in the future and perhaps write me back (although the postage may be prohibitive!)

 

Dear Oliver,

I met you last night at my wife’s birthday party. I held you in my arms and wondered what dreams were filling your thoughts.  I guess you have thoughts, but who knows.  Don ‘t worry they will come soon enough.  Your memory is a clean slate, so you won’t be troubled by

regrets. You’re not bothered by worries about politics or wars. Your budget is balanced.  Your health is perfect.  Most of all, it appears that you are blissfully unaware of your state. Too bad, it sounds like heaven.

My memory is filled with images of your Grand Ma and Mommy when they were your age.  It makes me humble to witness it all over again.  We call that The Cycle of Life. You are our newest circle and what roads will you roll down?   I can only hope to support your trip

When I grow down I want to be just like you. Keep it simple.  Believe it or not, most of our imperfections are our own doing.  Remnants from the journey called life, a trial-and-error experience that we all have. Each step of that experience is chock full of lessons and go figure, we actually learn some of them.

The gods have blessed you to be born free and loved.  With a doting family, you have a head start.  It won’t be long before you begin your conscious experience and all the baggage that comes with it.  So, in the meantime, enjoy your crying and pooping. For now, leave the tough stuff to Mom and Dad.  After all, that’s what they did when they started out on their tour !

 

Yours In Love

 Pappy

     

Until next time, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            Glory Days

“Glory days, well they’ll just pass you by”  - Bruce Springsteen

I have this theme that runs through my dreams.  One of the meds I am on for Parkinson’s has the side effect of intense dreams.  The common theme is a rewrite of past memories to a new standard of satisfaction.  I am sure that these random memories have been edited to elevate my actions to heroic proportions.  While the emotional impact of these dreams is satisfying it often leaves me with the thought - what happened to dreams of the future?

One of the challenges of aging is dealing with the realization that your future is shrinking.  We have always been encouraged to “dream of a better future”, but that task has been more difficult as I watch friends come to the end of their lives, leaving me to contemplate the  proximity of my own mortality.  While the richness of possibility is still present, the duration of potential seems to be diminishing.

It takes a concerted effort not to succumb to the trap of living in the past.   As your memory re-writes these experiences to suit its ego, the future seems to be less inviting.  He “good old days” are calling us to a “simpler” time when reality conformed to our particular view of how things should be.   In our heart we know that this is fantasy, but it is so much easier that living in the chaos called the Present.

There is hope though. The Present is a classroom for the Future.  As we attend to the Activities of daily living, we can harvest the optimism of others, using it to fertilize our own dreams, helping them to exceed our memories. Past recollections have their place, but not as a substitute for today’s experiences.. .

As we approach the season of hopefulness, let’s take some time to honor our Past, while looking to something more in the Future, by being in the Present

Happy holidays to all !

Until next time, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            The Duke and Duchess of the Deck

“All hands on deck”  - Naval Command

As we continue our journeys to find our “new normal”, I am struck how many lessons are awaiting us as we rediscover our existence. Projects that focus on defining what our standards will be going forward. For us, these exercises included replacing our deck with a newer version. One that was defined by our current expectations on how we will use it.   After a year if isolation, we were more than ready to expand our living space to include an outdoor venue where we could enjoy our Japanese garden and soak up Mother Nature’s Energy.

We talked about how our Activities might be adjusted to include entertaining guests, with the option of preparing meals cooked outdoors.  We also wanted to have a permeant fireplace that would be gas operated so we could form a Fire Circle at a moment’s notice.

My wife is a big fan of cooking shows and I wanted her to take what she learned over the past year and reenergize this area of our home. She did just that, selecting an artisan to add this new interpterion to an old concept. She bought deck furniture, a grill and supervised the entire process. The finished product has us outdoors every time Mother Nature offers a chance.  As one is seduced by the sound of waterfalls, birds and wind chimes, you can feel the Energy entering your soul.

Each time I sit out there, I am struck by the thought that it is important to reinvent yourself.  It is thru this Activity we gain fresh perspective to our Journey. We gain confidence in our visions by bringing them from our mind to reality, reaffirming the possibility of a positive future  After a year of glumness, it is a joy to reclaim the high ground!

So, think about your old normal as you remodel it.  Then refurbish your new normal to reflect the past and embrace the future

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “Come Out, Come Out”…Where Ever You Are……”

Day after day
Alone on a hill
The man with the foolish grin
Is keeping perfectly still…….The Beatles

Oh the subtle seduction of routine!  Our minds convince us that the “easier” path is the one of least resistance and in the name of efficiency we fall into a state where everything is familiar and we are rarely surprised.  Quarantine was the ultimate breeding ground for such thinking.  Since we were restricted to our own little space, populated with few (if any) people. It took a special effort to “liven” things up.  Especially for a whole year!

In his book, 12 Rules for Life, Jordan Peterson describes the concept of Order and Chaos, also known as the Yin and the Yang.  It is the idea that t hings have a dual nature and life is a curved line that represents having attained a balance between these two forces. 

  

What makes this idea different is that both powers are necessary.  It is interesting that the Sign of the Tao (pictured to the right) also  contains a small circle of the opposite force in the center of each segment.   The thought that one must have both forces is somewhat revolutionary. Our culture still thinks that the “bad” needs to be eliminated, so the “good” can be expanded.

During this past year, the siren song of habit provided some structure to life. Still, we escaped from the stimulation that comes from the chaos of life.  By avoiding the uncomfortable, we are lulled into a sense that our way of seeing life is the way of seeing life.  With no one to challenge that line of thinking, we became more and more convinced of that “fact.”

What I am saying is I feel this is unhealthy. Now that isolation is melting away, I encourage you to seek out some discomfort in the name of growing.  After all, discomfort is only a life sign that you are about to have a learning opportunity present itself.  Try it you might like it!  Finally, have patience with people.  Some of us are regaining our conversation skills and haven’t had a face to face discussion in quite sometime.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

“It’s just a shot away”- The Rolling Stones

Spring has Sprung….

Things are coming alive on my neighborhood.  I was struck how appropriate this is, given that I am emerging from a year long sabbatical from the outside.  The future seems brighter.  Over this pause, I took to taking walks (some one-hundred and fifty miles) in our neighborhood. The past few weeks the plants are spring to life. It’s nature’s way of reminding us that life goes on, so get with the program!

In Kentucky, spring also means its Derby time.  This year we will see a modified version of The Kentucky Derby festival, which runs for two weeks beginning with Thunder over Louisville, a gigantic air show fireworks extravaganza which can draw more than a half a million spectators.  This year (Covid), it was moved from its traditional venue, to three smaller sites around the area.  We watched from our front porch. An unexpected treat and a reminder of the "new normal".

With all this life springing (pun intended) up in front of us, it is hard not to see the metaphor. After getting their vaccines, people are venturing out a bit more, reconnecting to the outside world. The gaiety of the Derby, just reminds us that life is an experience of ups and downs. A horse race that only is run once.  This year, I remind each of you to sip your julep slowly, savoring its sweetness.  While you are at it, stop and smell the roses, for these experiences are fragile and can be gone in a moment, a memory that can become a dream.

As we approach the end of this past year’s woes, this is a time to ponder the lessons we have learned and the challenges we will face.  I know, for me, these lessons will involve patience, determination, and acceptance.  Oh yes, and The Circle of Life…

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

“It’s just a shot away”- The Rolling Stones

Reentry

I just this morning took my second COVID-19 vaccine.  This marks the beginning of the end of an ordeal that has lasted exactly three hundred and fifty-one days.  I know this because I started a diary on March 16^th 2020, the first day of pure social isolation.  Except for three visits to my neighborhood bar last summer and two camp outs, I have not been in contact with the outside world. 

As I prepare to reenter the world, I wonder how I have changed because of this experience.  It is also interesting to ponder how the world itself has changed.  How will the experience of the past year alter my behavior? My relationships? What about my Activities? Will I try to go back to where I was last year? Is that even possible?

What if you were offered a year sabbatical with complete control over how you spend your time?  That’s how I chose to frame my experience.  For me, the challenge has been to find the appropriate level of Activities to stay in rhythm with The Flow.  Each year that we live alters our capacity and adjustments have to be made.  Not too much, not too little. Take a look at your past year’s actions, they may contain lessons about what you really value

One thing is for sure, I relish the idea of returning to socializing (in person).  The nurse who gave me my shot said she can’t wait to get out, listen to some live music …and dance! I suspect that each of us has a list of things we will do as soon as we get our lives back.  The absence of those things has made defining them easier.

One final comment.   Rainy days do come.  It is more than a cliché that those who prepare for them will stand a better chance of surviving them. Make saving for one a part of your “new normal”

 

SPECIAL NOTE: This month’s blog is dedicated to my Mother who was one of the 500,000 people who lost their lives to COVID-19.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “Out with the New…In with the Old”

“These are the good old’ days”-Carly Simon

Well, 2020 is now history and the New Year finds us groping about in the fog of the “new” normal.   I am feeling my age, as I long for the “good old days“ and to those much younger to me, I am sure I seem like a relic caught in a time warp.  I am reminded of listening to my parents wish for a return to the “simple” life.  Of course, it is all an illusion, as change is a biological imperative of nature and Nature always wins.

Still, it seems to be we all are having a bout of nostalgia. A desire to return to the “old” normal.  I think this yearning is especially strong in the category of the “little” things. I had to adjust my exercise program and each time I workout in my living room, I miss the social environment of my gym.  As I write this we are preparing for the Super Bowl, but no parties.   Cardboard cut outs in the stands, fake crowd noise on the TV!

All though my wife has entered a new level on her cooking, we both miss the conviviality of a restaurant dinner party. Going to the movies? Forget it. How about a cold one at my neighborhood tavern?   Not happening. But you know all this already. 

Now we are starting to emerge from this haze.   We will attempt to return to our former habits. Can we? Should we?  What many of us took for granted now seems precious.  But wasn’t it always? It seems a shame that it takes a calamity to make us appreciate what a miracle our daily mundane life is.   Michael J. Fox says in his new book No Time Like the Future “Gratitude fuels optimism. Optimism is about the promises of the future, gratitude looks at the present” I have learned much about gratitude in the past ten months. Those lessons will be applied in defining my new normal.

Whatever your new normal turns out to be, I hope that your attention to the little pleasures in life and are grateful for all the good things that we might have taken for granted in the past. That could be Covid’s golden gift to you.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

“So you say this is Christmas

Well, what have you done?”  - John Lennon

Home for the Holidays

It’s Christmas morning at the Cole household.  “I’ll be home for Christmas” has a whole new meaning this year as my wife Sandy and I begin our ninth month in the special mode of isolation. This is added to the long list of adjustments everyone has had to make in 2020.   All this change has forced us to dig deeper into ourselves and find ways to honor how we affirm what we really believe in and the actions we adopt as the “new” normal.

One of the aspects that changed almost immediately was my exercise.  With the closure of the gym, I had to retool my weekly routine.  Which meant my cardio work went from elliptical to walking. It seems ironic to me that at this late stage of my life that I, my balance having improved since the days of my infancy, should return to the activity that I started out on,

My walks take me thru a park nearby, which the city has closed to automobile traffic so pedestrians can walk in solitude.   Each time I walk, I pass people with a greeting that normally goes “good morning”, but on Christmas Eve I replaced it with “Merry Christmas”.  While some stare ahead, oblivious to the world around them, most people acknowledge the greeting with one of their own.  It was during this walk that I had my first “peace on earth” Moment.

I felt the joy and kindness in each Merry Christmas, as people who wanted nothing more than a simple connection to humanity that has been missing so much from this year. The sincerity of this connection felt good.  It wasn’t a simple gesture, but a phrase that embodied the message of the holidays, peace on earth good will to men.

During these challenging times, don’t forget that there is good to be found in our daily Activities, remember to embrace the positive possibilities of the moment.  It takes a special effort, but the rewards are worth it. 

Until next month, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

“ The nearer your destination, the more you”re slip siding away” – Paul Simon

The Same Thing….Only Different.

I’m baaack….!

You may or may not have noticed, it’s been five-month break in publishing this blog.  That pause in the thirty-plus years of its history was due to a number of factors.  The most relevant was my commitment to not post if I didn’t feel I had something positive to share. Finding something positive in the current environment has proved to be a challenge, but here goes.

I am struck about all the gnashing and wailing of so many people.  They decry the current situation as “the end of the world”. I can’t help but counter this mindset with “been there, done that”.  Without going into specifics, my seventy plus years of experience keeps telling me while the circumstances might be different, the challenges are pretty much the same as they always have been.   If we can just step back from the emotions of the moment, we can see that the root of all this anguish is basically the same as it always has been, to ascribe to the higher ideals of civilization.   A central theme of these ideals is “we” instead of “me” or taking the high road.

We only have a limited amount resources to direct during our short existence in this world. It seems to be a better use of them to focus on compassionate behavior.  As with most things, the simple concepts are the richest.  Understanding, love, honor and duty are well known ideals.  We just need to put more effort in to translating them into our daily Activities. This will not happen casually.  We have to stop before each action and ask ourselves “Does this action represent the best of me?”

The foundation of this blog has been a structure which I call The System.  It is a practical format that emphasizes Roles, Activities, and Fulfillment.  It really doesn’t matter if you use this model or not.  What does matter is that you be thoughtful and aligned in your life, using the core ideals of mankind as your guiding beacons.  After all, that is what the human experience is all about.

Finally,  I want to thank all my friends for their input and feedback.  Your point of view is an invaluable tool in helping me “walk the talk”.  I can only hope that I have somehow returned the favor.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “Enthusiasm is a Choice”

“This is for all the lonely people, thinking life has passed you by…

Don’t give up till you drink from the Silver Cup

You’ll never know until you try….” - America…

Day 1 of my future.  These past five months have been learning experience.  I am sure you can say the same. It is times like these that out true character is revealed to ourselves. Stripped from all the distractions of “normal” life, we tend to gravitate to our authentic character and left without interruption, we reinforce this personality thru repetition.

I know I have had a difficult time with this.  My efforts to affirm my beliefs have been drowned in a sea of negativity.  Me, who thrives on laughter haven’t heard any for quite some time. My yearning for adventure has been limited to the walls of my home.  My enjoyment of spontaneity has been starved under the weight of routine.  It is all to easy to lose sight of my vow of “constant growth”.

But again and again I am drawn back to my Mission Statement.

The work I put into drafting this statement, some thirty years ago, has helped me through some tough times. Today is no different.  Dan Crenshaw in his book Fortitude says that the ability to choose your response is the only area that we totally control and that freedom must be guided by s strong sense of beliefs and values.

I hope that you have had the opportunity to define, in the most concise manner possible, your core ideology. It will serve as a guiding light as you travel through the inevitable periods of darkness in our lives.  If you would like a worksheet to assist in drafting one, drop me an email and I will send one to you.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “Back to The Past.”

“If I could turn back time….” Cher

One of the more fascinating aspects of sleeping is dreaming.  Some of the medications I take for my Parkinson’s has a side effect of affecting this process.  Dreams tend to be clearer and more real, which can be good or bad.

Recently I had a dream which, as I often do, caused me to reflect on my real life.  I suppose that here is a direct connection between those two thoughts, but I will leave that to Dr. Freud and company.  Let’s continue. The main story line is that somehow (dreams don’t submit themselves to the measure of realism) I was granted the right to go back in time to a period that was exactly two years ago to the day, that is July 2018.  My location was at some party where all of my friends had gathered.  I had full knowledge of how the next two years would affect each of them, but I could not share that information directly with them.  As I mingled around the room, the conversations ranged from “What have you been doing?” to “What have you got planned?”...,the usual party banter.

I moved about listening in on these conversations, smug with my knowledge about what was actually going to happen.   I cold not resist to drop a few comments. 

“You might consider acquainting yourself with the use of a facemask. ”  I offered.

“The stock market still has room for growth” I quipped, carefully noticing who and who didn’t note my remarks.

As the old song goes, I wish I didn’t know now, what I didn’t know then!

When I rejoined the “real” world the next morning.  The thought occurred to me that, if that situation applied to me, what would I tell myself?  I went back, as a point of reference, to Living in the Bucket, July 2018 edition, entitled  “The ‘On Purpose’ Person. In that column, I discussed how I had used my System to Organize and Align my resources to the process of leading a fulfilling life.  I talked about being the Subject of one’s sentence of life, not the Object.  In short, controlling how we react to life, rather then letting life act on us.   Any advice the experienced Bob would render to the Bob of the Past?

The only thing that came to me is to add to your daily routine, some exercise that would call on you to reinforce how fragile life REALLY is and build the abilities to deal with life daily, before you need use them.  Try to make, in all your daily Activities, the philosophical concept become a real experience. For me, it was an interesting exercise. 

Why don’t you look back on your calendar to two years ago, remind yourself where you were at that time and think about what advice you would give the you of the past?  It might help you be better prepared to handle the next two years.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “When Life Gives You a Lemon……..”

There's a dark and a trouble side of life
There's a bright and a sunny side too
Though we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also have in view.



So keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help you every day it will brighten all the way
If you'll keep on the sunny side of life. –  An old country  standar

d

This pandemic has brought a whole series of lessons about ourselves.  I know I am not unique in tis respect, but since my observations are limited by my perceptions, I am going to share what I have noticed.

First the challenge has increased for those of us that are committed to “the sunny side of life”.  I believe that optimism is a choice that one makes by constantly looking for the good in your experiences. Here are a couple of examples from my recent experiences

My friend Greg has spent the better part of the last five years working on transforming sixty acres of rural backwoods into a spiritual nature preserve. He took this on as a tribute to his wife, who died just before that time.  E has adorned the sanctuary with Native American sculptures (carved out of trees standing on the grounds). He also has formed several lakes and a stone bluff (named for his deceased wife) overlooking the creek that threads through his property.  I recently broke quarantine to attend a campout celebrating the dedication of this mystical place.  It is truly a magical space, made all the more profound by the fact that he has done the lion’s share of the work by himself !

During that event, I received a text from my daughter.  She was alarmed that her son, who is a military policeman in the air force, had been deployed to help with the civil unrest that swept our country.  This is the same grandson that I introduced to the woods on long hikes.

He was being tested at age twenty-five and though he had been trained, it was the first time for the real thing. He did fine (as I knew he would) and learned a few things about himself in the process.

The final episode came this weekend.  We have a group of people that meet once a month to go to a movie, then a restaurant for a dinner discussion along with some wine (mostly the later ).  Well the pandemic took its toll on that event, but we missed the interaction.   My wife, using technology we have learned, set up a Zoom meeting for us.  The movie was streamed live in 4k and premiered last week.  We attended opening night (virtually) and will gather electronically with the group later this month.

What do all these events have in common?  A death, civil unrest, and a pandemic adjustment.  All were met with a positive attitude and transformed into something else.  Optimism is NOT a natural state of mind.  It must be cultivated to be a response through daily practice. It is a habit easily abandoned to gloom and despair, but a little effort you too can walk on the sunny side. 


Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.



Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Mind Games

“We're playing those mind games together
Pushing the barriers, planting seeds” – John Lennon

Day 61 of social isolation.  Two months with no human contact.  I have spent most of the time exercising (virtually, by Zoom, except for walks , which were done in social distancing) reading, playing video games on Xbox and watching movies as well as streaming series.

Perhaps this has influenced my view of things, but when I started this column almost forty years ago, I promised to share my perceptions as a was experiencing them. So here goes.

I have become fascinated with the concept of alternate realities. The games on xbox that I play are  so real visually and audio wise, that they are transformational.  My hand tremor makes reading a book difficult, so I have switched to audio books, which allows me to close my eyes and see the author’s words in my mind.  One of the series I am watching (Westworld) deals, at a deep level, in the constructs of imagining and “reality”.

But “the new normal” is just as full on conflicting interpretations as these “false” realities.  Our way of life has been altered to a different way of living,, or has it?  I think we all are basically in the same Roles, but we have had to revise the associated  Activities to fit the new circumstances.  For example, my Role as SON is still present, but since my ninety-six year old Mother is in lockdown at the nursing home, I have had to find new Activities to fulfill that Role. Circumstances are beyond anyone’s control, but how you react to them is highly individualistic.  I also think that the process of identifying those alternates requires a large amount of creativity , which in turn is dependent on your personal sense of who you are and how comfortable you are with that image..

In another words, you must work from within, when you are without. So, take some time to renew your reality and build your confidence to deal with the future. Also, remember that other people’s reality is based on their perceptions, not yours.

Until the future, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob