From
the Bottom of the Bucket
It
Starts with “No”
I always cringe when someone predicates a remark with the
phrase “I have to……” It is as though
they see themselves as some type of automaton, preprogrammed for behavior over
which they have no control.
What’s worse is that our culture seems to have turned
such attitude into a competition, where one person tries to “out busy” the
other! Many times I have witnessed
conversations where the participants recite a litany of chores and duties that must be completed before the day is done.
If you have reviewed any of The System (see below), then
you know I am an advocate of time management.
This is because no one can really calculate how much time on this earth
they have left. We can delude ourselves
with the comfortable view that our lives are a linear experience. Real life seems not to conform to such
perceptions. Each day’s events present twists and turns from what we expected
and a reaction is called for.
In his book Man’s
Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl says that the only true freedom that a
human has is the instant between stimulus and response. As he recounts his experiences in a German
concentration camp, he explains that one always
has a choice in response to a stimulus.
In some cases (as Frankle’s) the choice could have dire consequences
(like execution), but still the
response was a made choice.
How much more empowering would it be to change the phrase
“I have to….” to the phrase “I choose to”? By reinforcing your ability
to choose, you take full responsibility for your actions, or as Steven Covey
says you are response-able.
It is easier than you think to make consistent choices if
you have prioritized your Activities and Roles. The stimulus either supports
them or it doesn’t. If it does, apply
your resources to it. If it doesn’t, take
a moment to consider if your Goals need adjusting, if not, then just say “no”!
I am amazed at how this exercise has simplified my life. First, by narrowing the scope of my activities,
I have more resources to do a better job of the ones that remain. My favorite benefit is I have the time to
arrive at my activities fifteen minutes early, which allows me to focus on
being present. Many people never have
this experience because they are always behind schedule, or “on their way” to
something else. I can tell you it is a
game changer.
Second, by avoiding many “Vigor depletion” actions, I am
reaffirming my course and direction, which gives me more confidence. It is a
bit uncomfortable at first, but with practice and effort you can make these two
simple adjustments habits. For now, I
choose to say no to mediocrity.
Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.
Bob
