From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “I'll Be Home for Christmas......

If only in my dreams......

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Many of you will recognize the pic above as my Zen garden in early spring.  This morning I woke up to this scene .

 

 

A white Christmas (almost)! What a great reminder that this really is  "the most wonderful time of the year!"  Why?  Well, first there is the opportunity to pause and  count what really matters.   The past two Christmas holidays have been marred with illness.  That's me last year  in the surgical mask!

 

 

The one before that, we simply skipped town and travelled to the West Indies for a much needed break from an overwhelming year of bad health.  So it was with a bit of surprise that my wife announced that this year we were going back to our traditional house decoration and family Christmas dinner.  It is a great deal of work for her, but it is a Vigor Activity  that she loves.   My daughters have pitched in and it looks like we will be "home" for Christmas.

 

What I came to realize is that setting aside a certain time each year to accent the positive aspects of life, is something that is easy taken for granted.  The difference of being surrounded by those you care about  and going it solo is significant.  After trying it both ways, I can vouch for the "home at Christmas" approach.   If you fall in the same camp, take a moment to looks around and appreciate all the items that make your "home" home..

 

Happy Holidays

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “Shades'

"All my life's a circle.............."  Harry Chapin

It seems that the past two months have zipped by, and I find myself a bit behind on my posts.  My health is still aggravating me, but I am coping.  The mental part is the toughest, trying to keep upbeat, when life is trying to stay downbeat.  Still, the give and take goes on and with it, new insights.

As many of you might remember, my Mother, who is ninety-six, resides in a assisted living facility.  She has made a home out of the room she has, but continues to decline in capability.  On my visit the other day, she proudly presented me with a present.  A hand colored picture, that she, with her arthritic figures, colored.  She used a set of pencils that I bought her and the colors came from her mind.

 

 



What a gift.   She spends countless hours in her room, much of which is dealing with ailments and contemplating how much time she has  left.  Yet, she reverts to a childhood activity of expressing herself in coloring.   The joy she feels is genuine and it is a source of amazement to me.

With all of the lofty goals we set for our lives and the attainment (or not) of fulfillment, it is somehow comforting to know that the simple things are the most enduring and, as hard as the body tries to distract you with pains  and ailments, the mind  can still imagine a colorful world of butterflies and smiling beetles.

We should all be so lucky to see those shades.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Coming Home

“Hey it's good to be back home again….  ” – John Denver

My wife and I just returned from a trip out west to visit Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks.  It has been over three years since we felt comfortable enough with our health issues to undertake such an adventure but it was worth the wait.

It always amazes me how getting out in nature puts your life in perspective.  Among the wolves and bison, each trying to survive by avoiding starvation and exposure, your place in the universe seems as small as it really is.  When you see things like the Upper Falls of the Yellowstone river, which has existed  for millions of years, you realize that the political, financial and emotional problems that occupy most of your Energy, really don't amount to much I the BIG picture of things .

 

After touring the park for six days, we proceeded to the Grand Tetons and saw mountains that eclipse mankind's existence on earth.  A reminder that we live a short time on this vast planet and we are tasked with making a contribution during that time.

 



 

The spectacular vistas and teaming wildlife all served to remind us of our place in the complicated weave of life and to "calm down" about the issues we face.

After a week and a half of travel, it was comforting to arrive back at our home. Most of us have outfitted our homes to meet our needs and wants and as  such, they are an extension of our personalities. While travel allows us to experience new perspectives, it also allows us to affirm the choices we have made concerning your daily surroundings.  Each choice we make adds up to what your version of "home" is.   This is also true of our daily routines.  Perhaps  this is the ultimate benefit of travel, to allow us to recognize the choices we have made concerning our daily lives and place them in proper perspective.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

The Golden Years

"The river gets deeper not shallow, the further you move down the stream" - Jimmy Buffet

First, a little history.  I paid my own college, started out in financial services in 1971, selling insurance door to door.   In 1984, I started one of the first "fee based" financial planning practices in my hometown.  That company is still in full operation as I sold it to an associate upon attaining "financial independence" .  My grandmothers had both passed before I was born and I hardly knew my grandfathers, as they lived away and  rarely visited.   In short, I am a self made man, with little or no background in advice from elders.

During my forty plus year career in advising, I faced all the challenges and accomplished most of the goals that any successful business person does.  Most days were filled with problem solving, responding to the chaos in the workplace, and the other typical things that people who are in the workforce deal with each day.  While "retirement" was the ultimate goal, it was far removed from my attention in the moment. it was an abstract nirvana, that we were working towards. Now, as I approach my fourth year in "retirement", I am still struggling with my path.

I am always struck with Madison Avenue's picture of retirement.   Mainly because it doesn't reflect my experience for both myself ad  the many clients I served.   The real experience seems to go like this.  First you have control over your time, so you can pick how you spend it.  Second, you devote a certain amount of resources to recreational activities that you always wanted to do, but never had the time, money, etc to do so.  Third, health issues begin to enter the picture.  Lastly, you realize that you have ten to fifteen years left in your life and you are challenged to decide how to spend them.  If you are fortunate, the health issues do not interfere with the final phase.

I embraced Life Planning in my advisory career, so I was able to  study these issues before my retirement.  But still, I had no experience, nor family culture to help bring those theories into practice.  Now, I am on the playing field, looking for solid direction to guide my actions.   I am coming along, but it has been plodding work.  In all fairness my two struggles with Parkinson's and melanoma have been distractions. but both are stable for the moment, so I can focus a bit more.

What I have learned so far is this: Giving is a BIG part of being an Elder (especially to younger people.). Relationships are one of your most important assets, and you must be purposeful in building them. That rest and recovery are  as  important as movement and activities.  Gratitude is not an abstract, but a habit to be learned through daily practice.  It is also a necessary component of keeping a positive attitude.  Finally, at this point, you should pay more attention to your instincts than anything else.  You have a wealth of experience, so use it.

If you want to live a fulfilling life, you might start to incorporate some of these points into you life now, because if  you wait  till retirement, you might waste valuable time with the learning process and time is the one  asset that we  can never measure how much we have.   

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

An Attitude of Gratitude

“The years keep coming and they don’t stop coming….  ” – Smash Mouth

Have you ever noticed that we spend too much time and energy on what we want that we sometimes forget to be appreciative for what we do have?  Janice Kaplan in her book The Gratitude Diaries, says “we tend to pay too much attention to what’s wrong than what’s right.”

Guilty as charged. You too (if your honest)!

An accomplished journalist, with a successful writing and broadcasting career, Ms. Kaplan set out on a project to daily (she later changed it to weekly) keep a journal for one year.  In this journal, at the start of each day, she would write down three things that she was grateful for. According to her, the endeavor proved surprisingly life changing.

One of her findings was that you don’t need good events in your life in order to feel gratitude, but instead must learn the habit of reframing whatever happens to make sure “that they see the good in what they have”   Could it be possible that we could find happiness (which is a door opener for gratitude) by completing a structured, clearly defined program?  If so, then why not add it to the “Fulfillment” support exercises (like an exercise program) I advocate in this column?

Over the past year and a half, I have struggled with health issues.  I have actually coped with them rather well.  I am now cancer free for almost a year and my Parkinson’s continues to remain stable. Part luck (with a great team of healthcare practioners), part attitude, it has always struck me on how much those medical professionals stressed the importance of the attitude portion.  I credit maintaining that attitude to the learned habit of reframing.

In my employment years, I was a financial/life planner.  To me, if you can break something down to a system, then it is up to the person to execute the parts, thus assuring the outcome.  Could abstracts like gratitude be treated the same way?   Kaplan says “the central theme was recognizing what is in your control and what isn’t-and acting on the one and ignoring the other.  Anxiety comes from wanting what we can’t control and happiness comes from being positive and looking for the good”.

Try it for a week….take fifteen minutes to WRITE down three items you are thankful for at that moment (could be that hot cup of coffee at your side).   Then when the negative energy visits, use the journal as a reminder how lucky you really are.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “It's Derby Time!-Watch Your Wallet'

As most of you of you know I have lived in Louisville, KY most of my life.  Every April our town stops everything  to celebrate "the greatest two minutes in sports". The Kentucky Derby Festival is a three week event, with every business and bar taking up the challenge of incorporating food and fun into the offerings.  There are multiple (I think 47) sponsored events, starting with Thunder Over Louisville, the world's largest fireworks show, a steamboat race, a parade and of course the race track.  The ladies get on their spring finery and the men don outrageous outfits.  Hats are the order of the day.

 

It's a fun time, but I can't help think of the underlying motivation that it is built on: MONEY.

Gambling is a fool's game, and most everyone knows that.  The occasional $2 dollar better, is not seeking to gain on his or her bet, but the bragging rights to say "I won!"  That is not to say there are big and little players who actually come to the track seeking to win $$$.  This does not include the piles of cash that it takes to bring these magnificent  animals to the race.  It's not called the sport of kings by accident  .  

What is the draw of gambling?  At its core it is the concept that you will gain financially from your activity.  I have always looked at it as a form of entertainment that has a chance of letting leave with more than you came in with.   But to me, betting is just a side show  to the experience of going to the racetrack.  In fact, many times I don't even place a bet. To me, REAL gambling, is over allocating your investment risk, not saving for the future, and overextending your debt.   The racetrack is a playground were you can play out these scenarios in small bites and that's good because large portions  can spell disaster. Don't get me wrong, I get my money's worth all through the festival, touting my favorite, sipping julips , and people watching.   Stilll, I realize that’s what I am paying for. Not the lure of easy money…to my knowledge there is no such thing.

 Have fun on May4th....and for the record, my picks are Omaha Beach, Tacitus, and Code of Honor.  See you at the winner's window...

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Money Madness

“Give me money, that's what I want  ” – The Beatles

The bane of capitalism is materialism and greedy consumerism.   Every where we go we are bombarded by information about mult- mullti million dollar stories of CEO's huge pay bonuses, lottery winners, sports figures, and now even the education institutions. A $500 million lottery winner? Really?  A severance package of $100 million?  A signing bonus for $200 million.  Coaching for millions of dollars, while students bear tuition and student loan burdens.  How did we get to the point where anybody could think they need that much money?

In financial planning, we led our clients though the process of setting goals that they felt would provide meaning to their lives, then we did calculation as to what resources would be necessary to fill those goals..not once in my forty plus years of advising, did anyone say , I want to be worth $100 million dollars.

Don't get me wrong, it does take a certain amount of financial resources to fulfill your independence.  Most of us spend our entire working lives trying to accumulate enough assets to do so. But at what cost?  I have been an advocate of a  balanced approach since the very beginning of this blog  and  I still am. It nauseates me to see these people trying to rack up more and more, often losing their ethics and integrity along the way.  There are exceptions (like Bill Gates and his wife), who use this wealth to help others, but there are all too many stories about Wolfs of Wall Street (take the current tuition bribe scandal), who can't satisfy their need for identity unless their balance sheet is over flowing with dollars they don't need.

It s  so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that money will bring you happiness.  That things will bring meaning to your life.  As I enter the Autumn of my life, I see this is simply not so.  You must invest in the other dimensions of wealth (relationships, growth, etc) if you want to have a chance of leaving this earth a better place than you entered it.

Live within your means, control your urges, and focus on your goals.  Stay true to your mission statement  and keep your reputation solid.  If you do these things, you will exponentially increase the odds that you will look back on your life with satisfaction and pride,. 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Reclamation

“Each time I find myself lying flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in then race  ” – That's Life - Frank Sinatra 

First I would like to thank  many of you that shared the sense of loss over the fish incident.  It seems they were victims of a forty five degree temperature swing (63 degrees in February!) An unfortunate, but natural calamity. Those of you who have visited our home and Japanese garden, know those fish were the soul of the spirituality of what we liked to call "The Sanctuary".  They will never be replaced, but can be restored. I wanted to share some of my "framing" of this concept.

I have mentioned many times that it seems one of the secrets to fulfillment is how you react to an event, rather than experiencing the event itself.  The Human response to loss is to grieve, but that process should not be allowed to take hold.  Instead it should be replaced with a desire to recover to a commitment to revise the situation to a different level.  Nothing lives forever, perhaps the sudden departure of our finny friends was to remind us that we must reclaim the original spirit of the pond in some new form, thus reinfusing the Energy to a new level.

That's when I saw the experience in a whole different light, renewal.   By Reframing in this context, we were accepting the challenge of renovating the whole garden, paying homage to it's history, while adding some new dimensions to renew the sprit of the original concept.  In fact, the Spirit of the Garden demanded it

Is this process easy?  I can say definitively -NO.  It is much easier to feel grief and disappointment than to forge an attitude of opportunity.  BUT, it is this ability that keeps us moving forward with our lives and not accept anything as a defeat, but merely a setback on our Journey to living a meaningful life,  which, to me, is The Ultimate End Game.


Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Living with Loss (Part  2)

“Chang is the Biological Imperative of the Universe  ” – Steven Covey

This month's post is linked to one I wrote a year ago.  The first sentence read:

“First of all, I don’t have cancer”

Well, I got that one wrong!  My battle with melanoma continues, but the signs are I am improving.  This morning I got a not to subtle reminder of how fragile Life is and why it is so important to enjoy things while you can .

I have written in this column about the Japanese garden my wife and I have built over the last twenty five years.  It is the soul of our house and has been a place of contemplation,  The central item of the garden is the koi pond, which provides a sense of living serenity.  

 

This morning, when were leaving the house for the gym, we found all the fish floating dead in the pond.  What happened?  We do not know. We only know that our spirit animals decided to leave this dimension and go to the great koi pond in the sky.   Some of the fish were over twenty years old. Some were over two feet long.  In a moment, all that life gone....we will never see the pond with such fish again.  Such a tragedy. 

 

 

 

Yet, the garden is still there, we still have our place and it is up to us to replace the lost energy.  Death is part of life and we must accept it and move on.  There is no remedy for the sense of loss, only time will tell what will replace this treasure.  I am sad for our loss, but grateful for their final gift-the reminder that all things are fragile and we should treat all our interactions with that attitude, for you never know.................  

   

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

“Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” -Joni Mitchell

Are You acCOUNTable?

The beginning of the new year is ripe with possibilities.  Anything is possible!  Build on last year's successes and forget about last year's failures.  Explore "brave new worlds" (more on that later). But wait, do you even know the date?  How about what you are doing tomorrow?  Who is driving this train anyhow?

In my career as a Financial Life Planner, it was incredible to see, over and over, that regardless of how wealthy, intelligent and successful people were, how out of touch they were with basic information concerning their circumstances.  Many times the biggest service we provided was collecting, aggregating and reporting basic data, so that people could bring their conception of reality in line with the actual reality.

If you intend to  take charge of your life, it is very helpful to see where you have come from. In financial planning that involves listing and valuing your assets and liabilities, as  well as detailing your income and expenses.  In life planning, it involves an inspection of you calendar to see how you allocated your time and energy. Complicated? Not really.  Easy?  Definitely not!   Think of it as stepping on your Fulfillment scale.  What is your weight? Is it more or less than last year?  Are you above or below your "ideal" number? It is my belief that the Purposeful Person keeps score on his or her efforts.  Since this information is an important part of deciding what paths to take in the future, it is almost impossible to plan ahead without it.

If it is so important, why don't more people do it?  I think there are several answers.  First, it's a lot of work. Organizing and recording the data takes time and most people are unwilling to devote the energy.  Another, probably prevalent, reason is that people don't want to validate their mistakes.  They already know the answers in their heart, so why reinforce it with data? 

Let me use a personal example.  Most of you know that I am wrangling with two medical conditions, Parkinson's and Melanoma. All of my medical advisors have encouraged me to continue my exercise program, to assist my body in it's efforts.  How do I know that I am doing that?  I keep a tally sheet.  Here it is for 2018 :

 

Now, I can evaluate what my plans for this year will be, do I need to cut back on my aerobics (over goal) and allocate that Vigor to Pilates (under goal)? Am I satisfied with my strength training (two years at 133) or do I need to revise my goal downward?

Before I appear to be promoting myself, I would like to quote William Shatner (told you I would get back to it). In his new book "Live Long and....." he says:

"I wanted to say to them, “Listen to me. I’ve got something important to tell you,” but instead I learned how to parcel it out. You have to do it slowly, meal by meal, whether it is a banquet or fast food. You have to take advantage of every opportunity and not force it on anyone. While to me my experience may seem like the most important piece of advice anyone has ever given, to a young person it probably is less important than the last text from a friend about who’s hanging at the mall. I had to learn not to take myself, or my profound wisdom, too seriously:

Having made a case for asking you to set aside time to start the new year of purposefully, I temper it with Mr. Shatner's remarks.  If you agree with the  advice, divide your sessions into two categories The first, devoted to tallying 2108 metrics (you pick what is important) and the second to setting measurable goals for 2019.  Then put things into action and for  heaven sakes, keep score! 



 

Here's to your prosperous and fulfilling 2019!

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob