From the Bottom of the Bucket

It Starts with “No”

I always cringe when someone predicates a remark with the phrase “I have to……”  It is as though they see themselves as some type of automaton, preprogrammed for behavior over which they have no control.

What’s worse is that our culture seems to have turned such attitude into a competition, where one person tries to “out busy” the other!  Many times I have witnessed conversations where the participants recite a litany of chores and duties that must be completed before the day is done.

If you have reviewed any of The System (see below), then you know I am an advocate of time management.  This is because no one can really calculate how much time on this earth they have left.  We can delude ourselves with the comfortable view that our lives are a linear experience.  Real life seems not to conform to such perceptions. Each day’s events present twists and turns from what we expected and a reaction is called for.

In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl says that the only true freedom that a human has is the instant between stimulus and response.  As he recounts his experiences in a German concentration camp, he explains that one always has a choice in response to a stimulus.  In some cases (as Frankle’s) the choice could have dire consequences (like execution), but still the response was a made choice.

How much more empowering would it be to change the phrase “I have to….” to the phrase “I choose to”? By reinforcing your ability to choose, you take full responsibility for your actions, or as Steven Covey says you are response-able.

It is easier than you think to make consistent choices if you have prioritized your Activities and Roles. The stimulus either supports them or it doesn’t.  If it does, apply your resources to it.  If it doesn’t, take a moment to consider if your Goals need adjusting, if not, then just say “no”!

I am amazed at how this exercise has simplified my life.  First, by narrowing the scope of my activities, I have more resources to do a better job of the ones that remain.  My favorite benefit is I have the time to arrive at my activities fifteen minutes early, which allows me to focus on being present.  Many people never have this experience because they are always behind schedule, or “on their way” to something else.  I can tell you it is a game changer.

Second, by avoiding many “Vigor depletion” actions, I am reaffirming my course and direction, which gives me more confidence. It is a bit uncomfortable at first, but with practice and effort you can make these two simple adjustments habits. For now, I choose to say no to mediocrity.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Into The Woods

October brings one off my favorite rituals, the return to Mother Earth for renewal.

This annual journey has taken many paths over the past twenty plus years, but always with the same intent: strengthen my body and soul and replenish my bond of friendship with those people who share the same reverence for the great outdoors and all that it represents.  I have been in most of the national parks and they are awe inspiring, but my spirit always returns to Kentucky’s Red River Gorge, a place of limitless inspiration.

There are normally four trips, two in the spring and two in the fall.   Each of these trips is accompanied by different friends.   This year’s fall trips were no exception.   The first trip was an “expedition” level trip, which is “off trail” (not a marked or maintained trial).  This approach requires you carry all you will need for three days on your back, as well as navigate with map, compass and GPS.

 

 

I took the trip with my longtime friend Greg Smith and Mother Nature added to the challenge with mid eighty temperatures on day one and a twelve hour rain on day two.  I learned a great deal about what my capabilities are and the limits that come with them.

 

The second trip was a “basecamp” trip (we call it car camping) where we set up in a campground and day hike.  The luxury of a cooler (with real food) a stove, water and cut wood allow us to focus our energy on the experience rather than the trek. 

 

I took a newbie with me, Rodney New (no pun intended) and savored the enjoyment of sharing my favorite spots, while he taught me how to cook pork chops on a Coleman stove, and yes some Kentucky bourbon was sipped to the sounds of Rodney’s guitar music around the campfire.

 

I am often asked why I would do such things.  I often smile to myself, thinking how can I answer such a question?  Well, I am going to try.  First, we live in a world of comfort that is all too easy to take for granted; Running water, hot upon demand, food easily available, packaged and ready to cook on appliances that work with the flip of a switch.  Warm rooms, heated (or cooled) effortlessly by a thermostat, soft beds, covered in sumptuous bedding. Yet, we take these items for granted barely giving thought to the Vigor they free up to be applied to our other Roles.  A few days in the woods, brings your appreciation back to where it should always be and reminds you that you need to be purposeful in how you use the liberated Vigor.

I am not a religious man, but I am deeply spiritual.  Watching a sunset in the backcountry is one of the best ways I know of to remind myself of the “big picture”.  Just feeling the profound silence of the vastness is enough to renew your balance and sense of place in the universe.  To have such a moment, one must remove all the distractions that our civilized life affords; cell phones, television, automobiles, computers and all the other “plugged in” comforts each undermine the stillness of your core and produce static that inhibits the messages of your heart.

 

Finally, there is no better way to enhance the depth of a friendship than to spend three straight days with someone under the spell of The Great Mother Earth.  When the time comes for you to call on the resource of Friends, there will be a rich supply because of your efforts to strengthen your relationships.

Now that is true wealth!

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Into The Woods

October brings one off my favorite rituals, the return to Mother Earth for renewal.

This annual journey has taken many paths over the past twenty plus years, but always with the same intent: strengthen my body and soul and replenish my bond of friendship with those people who share the same reverence for the great outdoors and all that it represents.  I have been in most of the national parks and they are awe inspiring, but my spirit always returns to Kentucky’s Red River Gorge, a place of limitless inspiration.

There are normally four trips, two in the spring and two in the fall.   Each of these trips is accompanied by different friends.   This year’s fall trips were no exception.   The first trip was an “expedition” level trip, which is “off trail” (not a marked or maintained trial).  This approach requires you carry all you will need for three days on your back, as well as navigate with map, compass and GPS.

 

 

I took the trip with my longtime friend Greg Smith and Mother Nature added to the challenge with mid eighty temperatures on day one and a twelve hour rain on day two.  I learned a great deal about what my capabilities are and the limits that come with them.

 

The second trip was a “basecamp” trip (we call it car camping) where we set up in a campground and day hike.  The luxury of a cooler (with real food) a stove, water and cut wood allow us to focus our energy on the experience rather than the trek. 

 

I took a newbie with me, Rodney New (no pun intended) and savored the enjoyment of sharing my favorite spots, while he taught me how to cook pork chops on a Coleman stove, and yes some Kentucky bourbon was sipped to the sounds of Rodney’s guitar music around the campfire.

 

I am often asked why I would do such things.  I often smile to myself, thinking how can I answer such a question?  Well, I am going to try.  First, we live in a world of comfort that is all too easy to take for granted; Running water, hot upon demand, food easily available, packaged and ready to cook on appliances that work with the flip of a switch.  Warm rooms, heated (or cooled) effortlessly by a thermostat, soft beds, covered in sumptuous bedding. Yet, we take these items for granted barely giving thought to the Vigor they free up to be applied to our other Roles.  A few days in the woods, brings your appreciation back to where it should always be and reminds you that you need to be purposeful in how you use the liberated Vigor.

I am not a religious man, but I am deeply spiritual.  Watching a sunset in the backcountry is one of the best ways I know of to remind myself of the “big picture”.  Just feeling the profound silence of the vastness is enough to renew your balance and sense of place in the universe.  To have such a moment, one must remove all the distractions that our civilized life affords; cell phones, television, automobiles, computers and all the other “plugged in” comforts each undermine the stillness of your core and produce static that inhibits the messages of your heart.

 

Finally, there is no better way to enhance the depth of a friendship than to spend three straight days with someone under the spell of The Great Mother Earth.  When the time comes for you to call on the resource of Friends, there will be a rich supply because of your efforts to strengthen your relationships.

Now that is true wealth!

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Good Bye Mama Rama

In previous columns, I have talked about Roles and how they shape our lives.  I want to expand a bit on that concept and introduce a new dimension.  In their book, “ Claiming  your place at the fire”, Richard Leider and David Shapiro introduce the concept of Elders.  These are people of experience that choose the “teacher” approach to their Roles.  Based on the tribal concepts of Rituals, they pass on the culture of the community through ceremonies that have life lessons embedded in them.

When I married my wife, thirty six years ago, I became part of her family.  The Elders of that family, were Mary and Mack Rama.   Mack passed away several years ago and Mary, his widow, left us three short months ago.  Both elected to be cremated and Mack’s ashes have resided with us awaiting the reunion with his wife.

My wife and I now find ourselves rotating to the Elder level in many of our Roles.   With that in mind, we called a family reunion for the purpose of reuniting Mary and Mac and allowing each family member to participate in the Ritual of “returning dust to dust.” We chose a lake that had been a favorite spot for the two of them and built the weekend around the Native American Ritual of the Fire Circle.

 

Most of the younger members are in their early twenties and are still learning their tribal Roles, but I am sure that the mystical occurrences did much to awaken a sense of awe.  First, there was a pair of bald eagles that were with us all weekend.  Then the shifting winds played music through the pines that covered our camp.   There also was the double rainbow that appeared after a brief shower.  Random coincidences or signs from beyond?  Each person was allowed the time to consider their opinion.

 

Both Mary and Mack (which my wife named the eagles) came from humble beginnings, he from an orphanage and she from a dairy farm.  Yet, without any head starts, they grew into local legends for their willingness to help others and teach values to their tribe. Both funerals were well attended, a testimony to the Elder legacy they left.  The grandkids (I call Gen2) ran the ceremony and it was inspirational to say the least.

 

People’s behavior speaks volumes about their values and how one prioritizes his or her activities is a real time demonstration of their character.   We are in critical need of example setters for our younger tribal members.  This work will take time and effort on The Elder’s part and some attention on the youth’s end, but it should prove worthwhile to both parties.

When you are younger, your Legacy seems like an abstract.  But in reality, you are already working on your reputation, which in the end, will be one of your most treasured and lasting assets.  Make each day count, stay in integrity and look for opportunities to tutor.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

September  2016

          “I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round

          I just Love to watch them roll…….”   John Lennon

 

As I write this first blog, I am entering my ninth month as “retired”.  I have always been fascinated with that word.  It is a child of the Industrial Revolution and is an evolvement from the creation of Social Security and company pension plans. 

Madison Avenue and Wall Street have always portrayed this period as one of leisure, care-free time spent with loving family and friends.  You know the spin; we still see commercials, even today.  My experience is that the real thing is much different.

When you enter the workforce you agree to exchange your time and vigor for an income and benefits.  Over the years we have watched corporate America, whittle the benefits portion down.  When you no longer need to participate in such an arrangement, you have become financially independent.  This may or may not involve “retirement”.  The thing is, since we are such poor savers, most of us are older when (or if) that occurs, but not always (think Bill Gates, etc.).The point is that retirement is not just for “old people”. 

I look at “retirement” planning as making a choice to change your life’s focus to a more self-directed experience.  I also think that process starts the day you enter the workforce.  The key is you take ownership of what you can control until you have reached the point where you control as much as possible in your life.   That will take resources; the most important are: Health, Time and Financial, in that order. So the first order of business is to prioritize your use of those resources and make daily choices that support the Goals (see The System below) that you have set for yourself.

Circles are a prominent geometric symbol in almost every culture.  The distinguishing characteristic is the figure has no beginning and  thus no end. To quote John Lennon “they just go round and round”.  Why is it that our brains insist on seeing life as a linear event when real experience shows us otherwise?  Many of the illustrations referred to in this blog are circles.  That is because real life always involves continuous beginnings and ends across the full span of life’s experience.

When I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, I thought it was the end of my life plan.  It turns out it was the beginning.  It forced me to “walk the walk” and take action.  That process led me to realize that I had no bucket list and that recognition was a huge source of solace to me.  I was unclear what the future held for me, but I was ready to face it with confidence and since I had lived “in the bucket” I had a rich balance of resources to support my efforts to move forward.

Now, five years later, I find that my health has improved, my Parkinson’s has not progressed and I am able to invest more Vigor in my other Roles more than ever before.  I also passed on my successful planning practice to a qualified advisor, who is taking the services provided to our clients to a new level.  We have only had one client leave us. So I met my promises and kept my respectability.

I have often said we are one moment away from having our supposed life plan altered, sometimes radically.  Are you making sure that you are ready for that moment?  If not, why?

Or perhaps you will be lucky enough to “just sit and watch the wheels (circles) go round and round”, but I assure you that day will never come if you don’t prepare for it.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

The system Part 3

Living in the Bucket

The System Part3

In my previous post, I gave an overview of the concept of Roles as a way to compartmentalize how you prioritize the use of your resources in your quest for self-fulfillment.   This post (the final of three) will round out that discussion with the introduction of the concept of Arenas and also a worksheet that you can use to tie it all together.

Arenas, the backdrop for Activities

Our existence is not lived out in a vacuum.  We perform our Activities and Roles in a number of environments  which I am going to call Arenas. 

 In order to make this clearer, I am going to use a tool provided by Ms. Carol Anderson and her company, Money Quotient, a Financial Life Coaching firm in Portland, Oregon.

 

 

You will note that The Wheel of Life has nine categories (or Arenas) in which you can act out your Roles and Activities.  Try to think how you might apply your Roles in each on these Arenas.  Perhaps, you might think of new Activities through this process.  You might also rate your degree of satisfaction with your Arena participation on the "spokes" of the wheel, from Unsatisfied (zero being the hub) to Very Satisfied (ten being the rim).

 

Putting it all together

The worksheet below is designed to help you combine all of these concepts.   Start with the Role.  Identify what Arenas in which you can play that Role and specify what Activities you can achieve.   Decide if it is a Vigor Activity or not (to help with planned frequency).   Then, set a frequency (weekly, monthly, etc.) and, at your ninety-day review, check off if you accomplished them or not.  If not, re-evaluate the activity and either carry it forward to the next worksheet or eliminate it.

 

 

Role	Arena	Activity	Vigor (Y/N?)	Frequency	Accomplished (Y/N?)	Carry Forward (Y/N?)

 

 

 

 

The Final Product

You have now accomplished what I, in my years of advising, have found to be the single most important step towards leading a balanced and fulfilling life, a Goal List.  It’s now a simple matter of arranging your resources and making decisions on their allocation by straightforwardly asking yourself the question:

“Does this action support the Activities I have set for myself?”

If you can’t answer yes, then you should pass on expending resources (time, money, energy, etc.) on that action.  This process alone will produce significant change by making you more efficient.

Now that you have the basics in hand, it is my intention to post monthly examples of how this System works in my daily experience.  Perhaps you may want to share your experiences as well.  There is a place to post discussion on this blog page.

That’s all for this month.  Until next time, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob