From the Bottom of the Bucket

 

Going Viral

          “May you live I interesting times' - A Chinese Proverb

" It's the End of the World as We know it".... R.E.M.

 

Well isn't ironic that the country that gave us the proverb above also gave us another pandemic to live  through ! It seems like everyone in the world is going to have to deal with this one.  As I write this blog, I am in Day2 of self imposed "social isolation.  Given my age and health history it seems that I am in the "at risk" group.  After listening to government and other sources, my wife and I have decided to call time out for one week and isolate ourselves from going out of the house.  We are spending the time in different ways but today we are having our annual planning retreat.  What an interesting time to talk about the future!

One of the problems with this situation is the chaos its created.  It seems tthat our traditional sources have a wide range of advice.  Take for instance the words of Dr. Carl Hammerschlag, (webmaster@healingdoc.com) one of my mentors. In his blog, he states the following:

"The coronavirus is pandemic which means it’s spreading rapidly, the fear and panic it’s generated however substantially exceeds what can be reasonably expected if one gets the illness, and that’s an epidemic.  It’s human nature to want to protect ourselves, families and communities from disease and harm. We surely ought to be washing our hands well, coughing and sneezing into a tissue, but stripping the shelves of toilet paper is panic… this is the flu…it doesn’t come out that way; and stockpiling food in preparation for months of quarantine, or the conspiracy theorists’ predictions of the coming Armageddon is equally ridiculous" (To read his full post click on the link above.)

 

Yet, another friend of mine shared a post from Facebook that has gone viral  (no pun intended) that makes the following remark:

 

"we must assume that the healthcare system cannot help us, because the hospitals will become overwhelmed very quickly. Most American hospitals will become overwhelmed in approximately 30 days unless something changes. More on this in part 2 below. So although we are in great health and unlikely to become gravely ill, the risk is greater if you do not have access to the medical care that you need."

 

With so many opinions floating around, who do you believe?  If you let fear rule your decision process, you make bad choices.  My comment is a bit more basic.  The more centered you are , the more likely you will  make better choices.   Being centered means you have a balance between your Realms and your Activities are in alignment with your Roles.   From this position of confidence, you can deal with almost anything.  Without it, almost nothing.   My wife and I are going to use this alone time to stay focused on strengthening our commitment to the future, by reviewing Our Roles, Goals and Activities.   We cannot let outside interference dominate that process. 

 

It is my hope that each of you that reads this will embrace what is given to you, shape what you can, and deal with the rest from a position of strength.  It isn't easy, but it never has been. 

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 Bob

 

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “Passion and Discipline'

 

I recently attended a talk given by the head basketball coach of a local (NCAA II National Champion) team.   I asked him what were the two values that he tried most to instill in his young athelets.  He answered unequivocally "Passion and  Discipline".  He was obviously fulfilled and his accomplishments speak for themselves, so I took his words to heart.

I began to ponder the practical application of how one would cultivate such values in his or her daily life.  Let's start with Discipline.   I feel that this word describes the ability to attain mastery over your thinking and actions. This self control demonstrates your commitment towards a purpose.  That is why I have advocated defining your Roles and Activities as a step towards identifying what you are committed to.  It is the ability to stay focused on these goals that makes up the degree that one has Discipline or not.   In my case, the  best example I can think of is exercise.  With my health , the only contribution towards improving it I can make is to try to keep my body well conditioned.   Thus I make sure that exercise is part of my Activities.  Believe me, that takes Discipline.

Passion is a different animal.  How do you develop a zeal?  I finally came to the conclusion you don't.  I think that we all have our natural interests and the business of expanding those interests is what the coach was referring to.  In The System, I refer to these as Vigor activities and they are an important because they are the fuel that discipline runs on.  You must first identify what you are passionate about, then measure the amount of resources you are allocating to advance them in your life.  Are they harmonized?

One of my passions is my marriage. I am so fortunate to have my wife, Sandy, who not only is my best friend, but also puts in the time and effort to making our life  better, not an easy task over the past two years.   For Valentine's day, she prepared a special meal and presented it to celebrate this relationship.

I count myself lucky to have such a resource to remind myself (when my Discipline falters) what is important. To be able to call on such a  resource is an invigorating experience. It also inspires me to be the same for her.

My other Passions were illustrated in the painting done for me by a friend.

 

My goal in writing this blog is to remind myself (and the reader) how critical it is to be mindful of these important Activities.   To assure that we spend a little time each day, gaining perspective and ultimately to attach fulfillment to the time you walk this earth. 

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 





 

 

 



From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “I'll Be Home for Christmas......

If only in my dreams......

.

Many of you will recognize the pic above as my Zen garden in early spring.  This morning I woke up to this scene .

 

 

A white Christmas (almost)! What a great reminder that this really is  "the most wonderful time of the year!"  Why?  Well, first there is the opportunity to pause and  count what really matters.   The past two Christmas holidays have been marred with illness.  That's me last year  in the surgical mask!

 

 

The one before that, we simply skipped town and travelled to the West Indies for a much needed break from an overwhelming year of bad health.  So it was with a bit of surprise that my wife announced that this year we were going back to our traditional house decoration and family Christmas dinner.  It is a great deal of work for her, but it is a Vigor Activity  that she loves.   My daughters have pitched in and it looks like we will be "home" for Christmas.

 

What I came to realize is that setting aside a certain time each year to accent the positive aspects of life, is something that is easy taken for granted.  The difference of being surrounded by those you care about  and going it solo is significant.  After trying it both ways, I can vouch for the "home at Christmas" approach.   If you fall in the same camp, take a moment to looks around and appreciate all the items that make your "home" home..

 

Happy Holidays

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “Shades'

"All my life's a circle.............."  Harry Chapin

It seems that the past two months have zipped by, and I find myself a bit behind on my posts.  My health is still aggravating me, but I am coping.  The mental part is the toughest, trying to keep upbeat, when life is trying to stay downbeat.  Still, the give and take goes on and with it, new insights.

As many of you might remember, my Mother, who is ninety-six, resides in a assisted living facility.  She has made a home out of the room she has, but continues to decline in capability.  On my visit the other day, she proudly presented me with a present.  A hand colored picture, that she, with her arthritic figures, colored.  She used a set of pencils that I bought her and the colors came from her mind.

 

 



What a gift.   She spends countless hours in her room, much of which is dealing with ailments and contemplating how much time she has  left.  Yet, she reverts to a childhood activity of expressing herself in coloring.   The joy she feels is genuine and it is a source of amazement to me.

With all of the lofty goals we set for our lives and the attainment (or not) of fulfillment, it is somehow comforting to know that the simple things are the most enduring and, as hard as the body tries to distract you with pains  and ailments, the mind  can still imagine a colorful world of butterflies and smiling beetles.

We should all be so lucky to see those shades.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Coming Home

“Hey it's good to be back home again….  ” – John Denver

My wife and I just returned from a trip out west to visit Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks.  It has been over three years since we felt comfortable enough with our health issues to undertake such an adventure but it was worth the wait.

It always amazes me how getting out in nature puts your life in perspective.  Among the wolves and bison, each trying to survive by avoiding starvation and exposure, your place in the universe seems as small as it really is.  When you see things like the Upper Falls of the Yellowstone river, which has existed  for millions of years, you realize that the political, financial and emotional problems that occupy most of your Energy, really don't amount to much I the BIG picture of things .

 

After touring the park for six days, we proceeded to the Grand Tetons and saw mountains that eclipse mankind's existence on earth.  A reminder that we live a short time on this vast planet and we are tasked with making a contribution during that time.

 



 

The spectacular vistas and teaming wildlife all served to remind us of our place in the complicated weave of life and to "calm down" about the issues we face.

After a week and a half of travel, it was comforting to arrive back at our home. Most of us have outfitted our homes to meet our needs and wants and as  such, they are an extension of our personalities. While travel allows us to experience new perspectives, it also allows us to affirm the choices we have made concerning your daily surroundings.  Each choice we make adds up to what your version of "home" is.   This is also true of our daily routines.  Perhaps  this is the ultimate benefit of travel, to allow us to recognize the choices we have made concerning our daily lives and place them in proper perspective.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

The Golden Years

"The river gets deeper not shallow, the further you move down the stream" - Jimmy Buffet

First, a little history.  I paid my own college, started out in financial services in 1971, selling insurance door to door.   In 1984, I started one of the first "fee based" financial planning practices in my hometown.  That company is still in full operation as I sold it to an associate upon attaining "financial independence" .  My grandmothers had both passed before I was born and I hardly knew my grandfathers, as they lived away and  rarely visited.   In short, I am a self made man, with little or no background in advice from elders.

During my forty plus year career in advising, I faced all the challenges and accomplished most of the goals that any successful business person does.  Most days were filled with problem solving, responding to the chaos in the workplace, and the other typical things that people who are in the workforce deal with each day.  While "retirement" was the ultimate goal, it was far removed from my attention in the moment. it was an abstract nirvana, that we were working towards. Now, as I approach my fourth year in "retirement", I am still struggling with my path.

I am always struck with Madison Avenue's picture of retirement.   Mainly because it doesn't reflect my experience for both myself ad  the many clients I served.   The real experience seems to go like this.  First you have control over your time, so you can pick how you spend it.  Second, you devote a certain amount of resources to recreational activities that you always wanted to do, but never had the time, money, etc to do so.  Third, health issues begin to enter the picture.  Lastly, you realize that you have ten to fifteen years left in your life and you are challenged to decide how to spend them.  If you are fortunate, the health issues do not interfere with the final phase.

I embraced Life Planning in my advisory career, so I was able to  study these issues before my retirement.  But still, I had no experience, nor family culture to help bring those theories into practice.  Now, I am on the playing field, looking for solid direction to guide my actions.   I am coming along, but it has been plodding work.  In all fairness my two struggles with Parkinson's and melanoma have been distractions. but both are stable for the moment, so I can focus a bit more.

What I have learned so far is this: Giving is a BIG part of being an Elder (especially to younger people.). Relationships are one of your most important assets, and you must be purposeful in building them. That rest and recovery are  as  important as movement and activities.  Gratitude is not an abstract, but a habit to be learned through daily practice.  It is also a necessary component of keeping a positive attitude.  Finally, at this point, you should pay more attention to your instincts than anything else.  You have a wealth of experience, so use it.

If you want to live a fulfilling life, you might start to incorporate some of these points into you life now, because if  you wait  till retirement, you might waste valuable time with the learning process and time is the one  asset that we  can never measure how much we have.   

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

An Attitude of Gratitude

“The years keep coming and they don’t stop coming….  ” – Smash Mouth

Have you ever noticed that we spend too much time and energy on what we want that we sometimes forget to be appreciative for what we do have?  Janice Kaplan in her book The Gratitude Diaries, says “we tend to pay too much attention to what’s wrong than what’s right.”

Guilty as charged. You too (if your honest)!

An accomplished journalist, with a successful writing and broadcasting career, Ms. Kaplan set out on a project to daily (she later changed it to weekly) keep a journal for one year.  In this journal, at the start of each day, she would write down three things that she was grateful for. According to her, the endeavor proved surprisingly life changing.

One of her findings was that you don’t need good events in your life in order to feel gratitude, but instead must learn the habit of reframing whatever happens to make sure “that they see the good in what they have”   Could it be possible that we could find happiness (which is a door opener for gratitude) by completing a structured, clearly defined program?  If so, then why not add it to the “Fulfillment” support exercises (like an exercise program) I advocate in this column?

Over the past year and a half, I have struggled with health issues.  I have actually coped with them rather well.  I am now cancer free for almost a year and my Parkinson’s continues to remain stable. Part luck (with a great team of healthcare practioners), part attitude, it has always struck me on how much those medical professionals stressed the importance of the attitude portion.  I credit maintaining that attitude to the learned habit of reframing.

In my employment years, I was a financial/life planner.  To me, if you can break something down to a system, then it is up to the person to execute the parts, thus assuring the outcome.  Could abstracts like gratitude be treated the same way?   Kaplan says “the central theme was recognizing what is in your control and what isn’t-and acting on the one and ignoring the other.  Anxiety comes from wanting what we can’t control and happiness comes from being positive and looking for the good”.

Try it for a week….take fifteen minutes to WRITE down three items you are thankful for at that moment (could be that hot cup of coffee at your side).   Then when the negative energy visits, use the journal as a reminder how lucky you really are.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob