From the Bottom of the Bucket

The "On Purpose" Person

“I just want to celebrate another day of living.  I just want to celebrate another day of life” – Rare Earth

Over my 40+ year career, I witnessed many people whose primary reason for living and under fulfilled life was lack of focus and clarity.  They saw themselves as the object of The Sentence of their lives.  They were in a constant state of reaction to daily living.  Planning was a foreign concept, or one they avoided.  When you commit to planning you become the subject of your Life Sentence and you act of the verb of living instead of it acting on you.  It is a perception change that can  be cultivated into a habit.

I just started reading a book, Forest Bathing: How Trees Can Help You Find Health and Happiness by Dr. Qing Li.   How's that for thinking outside the box (thanks for suggesting it Katie!) ?  I have always loved to woods, and have written about my experiences in previous columns, but the author's premise is there is a scientific reason for the energy transfer that occurs when we enter the world of trees. How often do we walk by an opportunity to stop in the presence of a magnificent tree, without stopping for a moment and absorbing the Vigor?

To abstract for you?  Try this. How often do you waste resources on things that aren't important on your quest for fulfillment?  Since I started my battle with cancer, I start every day humming the song quoted above to remind myself to "celebrate" every aspect of today's experience.  I take walks and notice, among many other things, the trees in my neighborhood and the nearby park. I am grateful for those moments.

We each play Roles in our life. Are you structuring your day around Actvities that actualize those Roles? Are each of those Activities consistent with the Themes that you set for yourself ?  in short, are you living a purposeful life?  That is the only wealth worth accumulating!  To me, spending your given time on this earth any other way, is the greatest sin of all.

Put some thought into your Guiding Themes (mine are Growth, Gratitude, and Giving), then plan the Activities of your day, to improve your actualization of the Roles you are playing in your life.    

 

Oh, and celebrate a tree when you can :-) !

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Learn to Bend, Before You Break

“Just Keep Swimming” – Dori, the Regal Blue Tang "Finding Nemo/Finding Dori"

I write this month's post with a sense of stability that has eluded me over my six month health ordeals.  I want to return to the theme of  change and how to adapt The System, so it will continue to provide a foundational structure for dealing with adjustments that must be made to maintain perspective through the process of change.

Let's start with a review.  There are several key components to The System.  They are: Roles, Realms, Activities, and Vigor. If you need to review these factors, go to the archives listed at the bottom of this blog. They are the first posts.

Prior to my retirement this is how my Realms and Roles  looked:

 



   I want to point out the three Themes that provide the context for the Realms (Private, Professional, and Personal) as well as the Roles contained in each Realm.  They were; Passion, Priorities, and Persistence.  These themes have evolved to a new dimension since the adjustments brought on by my health and professional status changes required so. 

Since my retirement, my Professional Realm has "downsized" and my updated model looks like this:



 

Note the Realms have shifted to: Private, Personal, and Public.  Their composition has shifted as well (40%-40%-20%).  As I said several months ago, after six months of research and retrospection, my Themes have changed to: Growth, Giving, and Gratitude.  What are the implications for these updates?

 

First, I think we all would agree that life is a dynamic process.  Internal and external influences are constantly shifting our attention from our intended course, assuming you are intentional about your course.  It is your responses to these sways that forms your path and character.   Stephen Covey calls this "true north", meaning your Activities are in alignment with your Mission Statement, which serves as the foundation to your Themes. 

 

It is the existence of a well thought out structure that will prop you up when life pushes you off course.  Like a hiker who must use a compass to set his or her direction, your Themes become the guiding lights as you find your way to get back on course. No Activity should be undertake unless it supports your Themes.   This avoids wasting resources and restores the confidence necessary to regain your sense of direction and "keep on swimming".

 

Just as life is dynamic, so is The System.  Each day, Life will bend your Roles and you must learn the skill of accommodating these stresses without giving up your ideals. They must be reviewed as you travel across life's journey, to decide if they are still relevant or need some adjustments.  Next month I will discuss how choosing your Activities puts these theories into action.





 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

In the Hands of Angels

"Little Things are Big"  - Yogi Berra

I am a bit late posting this month, but I have spent the last five weeks trying to get some semblance of order back into my daily living.   Doctors and hospitals have been running my schedule and I just this morning finished with my rotation of medical providers.  Now I am on a regular program of infusions twice per month until my cancer problem is resolved.  Just as an aside, my immunotherapy appears to be working and I am guardedly optimistic.

Before I pick up where I was prior to this disruption, I want to comment on my experience with the "medical system".  We, as a society, are prone to criticize the state of medical care in this country, but until you actually engage with it, you don't really appreciate what a dedicated and professional group of people populate the industry.  A couple of examples.

My primary care doctor has been with me for twenty plus years.   He is a down to earth scholarly (he has multiple degrees) who genuinely cares about my life.  His assistant always returns our calls and I have never been in his office for more than an hour.

As he oversaw the process of the diagnosis of my cancer, I consulted with a  litany of specialist both in and out of the hospital.  In each case  I was treated with professional, courteous care.  I met many people who were inspiring.

Take "Nurse Betty" as an example.   While sitting with me in a very busy pre-op room she told me that she had been in nursing for forty-eight years,, seventeen of them in ER, which is extremely demanding.  Although she was recently widowed, she is easing into retirement and has big plans for the farm she owns.  It was the personal touch that she added to my care that served to relax me for my pending procedure.

Then there was the specialist who had spent fourteen years in the Army as a special forces medical support doc.  His philosophy was "put the patient first" and his bedside manner was reassuring,  He recounted a story tat occurred when his unit came under fire and he casually moved to the bunker.  When questioned why he did not run he said "surgeons never run, they walk with purpose". Now he was purposefully helping with my situation.

Of course, one of my heroes is my oncologist, whom I have known for twenty years.  She treated my father, my brother and my sister in law.  She is a kind and gentle person, who is all about care giving, unless she is pursuing her hobby of painting, which she is most gifted at.  She cold have retired comfortably years ago, but proving good medical care for people is her passion.  Lucky for me.

My neurologist inspires me every time we meet..  She gave up a lucrative position in research to work with patients, in a field that has precious few practitioners.  I was one of her first patients and she continues to help me keep my Parkinson's stable, while encouraging me to live a full life.

My dermatologist demonstrated what care is about, having me meet him at his office the day my melanoma was diagnosed. He continued to be involved with the treatment plan, contacting me via text on his personal cell.

My cardiologist suffers from the same  condition I do (atrial fib) - and he empathizes with my concerns about my heart.  He is part of a large group, but they still manage to have me leave from my annual visit with confidence. 

Finally, there is the cadre of technicians, lab workers, and patient support staff all who do their part with a smile and a word of encouragement.  I am thankful that I live in a society where such caring and dedicated people devote their careers to providing such support.

I am not saying we can't improve, but before we cast a blanket of dispersions on the medical industry, give pause to consider the many individuals that give their careers to caring for those of us that need help.
  
   Next month, I am going to share how I have adjusted my Roles  and Activities in light of the external change that my health has brought on. 

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Life.......Interrupted.....

"Winter is coming".......The Game of Thrones

As I sit here writing this blog, the first day of spring is less than twenty four hours old.  Yet we are housebound because of a snow storm, the worst one in years.

    It was on this day that the joy I felt  from the  successful resolution of my medical circumstances (which I have talked about over the past several months) disappeared with the single phone call that I have talked about over the years. The one that changes your life instantly and permanently.  A cold, frozen jolt to the springtime of my retirement, just like the scene in our Japanese garden.  I know there are bloomed daffodils buried somewhere under that snow, but it's awful hard to see them today.

It turns out, that the lump in my right leg is a metastatic melanoma in my lymph node. Back to the hospital - more tests !  The good news is that it appears at this time that , for now, the cancer is limited to the tumor on my right thigh and my medical team is going to try immunotherapy to dissolve the tumor.  This is a new form of treatment that, if successful, will help avoid surgery 

I must admit I am still in shock, but I did pick up a book The Hidden Journey:Melanoma Up Close and Personal by Christine Lister to try to begin to make some sense of this abrupt turn in my life.  It is a journal she kept while her and her husband battled with the cancer.  I just read the first chapter.  My favorite quote so far?

" Cancer is confronting. It strikes at the heart and mind as much as the body. Life approximates a seesaw swinging wildly from one dichotomy to the other and  back again. The natural rhythm of living is shattered. So too is your sense of safety and control over your life."

I could not describe better how I am feeling right now.  Several posts ago, I discussed personal character and integrity (Walking the Talk), once again, in a big way, I come face to face with the principles that I have  promoted and my ability to adhere to them in the face of the most challenging of circumstances.  Just last week, I was talking about realigning my future Realms and Activities.  Now I find myself, once again, being tasked with fighting through the fog of emotion and practicing what I have preached, in real time, not just theory.  This is, of course , what I have been promoting all along, but the real experience calls even the most sacred of principles to be reaffirmed.  It is tough.

 I will verify that two things held fast and true. One, having my planning up to date was a tremendous relief.  I know. no matter what, my loved ones are provided for in the best possible way, and  I don't have to spend precious Vigor "getting my affairs in order ".  Second, having a belief structure to frame my experience gave me a goal to shoot for in terms of struggling though the range of emotions  that descend upon you when such life events occur.  I was and am ready to die, having lived in the bucket most of my life. I will admit experiencing a sense of sadness when I thought about the "little" things in life and how much joy they brought to me, how I would miss them.  Surprisingly,  many of the them were the ones I take for  granted.  The cup of coffee in the morning, while staring at the birds in our garden, my walks in the woods, planning an adventure with my wife.  One of the positive benefits of this event is I will work even more on savoring these things. Can you pick out the things you savor in your life and spend more energy on them now?

Finally, once again I have realized how critical having a support net of caring friends really is.  It's very lonely on the edge of life and without the encouragement of family and compassionate friends, the initial wave of despair can get a firm grip on your outlook, which only serves to make things worse.  If you are not investing authentic effort in building this resource, you are making a terrible misjudgment.

I will share more as this situation unfolds, but for now,

Until Tomorrow, Stay Fulfilled....

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Rotating Your Realms

 

Those of you familiar with my system recognize the graph below.

 

I refer to the segments of the circle as Realms and because I have changed my life by retiring,
It is time to revisit these Realms, since the "Professional" segment has decreased to nothing, thus releasing resources that were supporting the Activities associated with those Realm & Roles, easier said than done !
In my professional career, I met many people who defines who they were by what they did for a living.  Losing this identity was quite a shock to these people as they had no direction to fall back on.  I have always encouraged people to start your march towards Balance today, so you will be prepared for the changes  that are sure to come your way.

I have decided to replace "Professional" with "Public" and realign my Roles to these new Realms.
The new model looks like this:

 

 



  

I have now decided what Realms will define my Activities, which I have not completed. But, in my research several themes have been repeated.   For aging to be a rewarding experience, you must learn new things (Grow), you must help others , especially younger people (Giving), and you must take each day as it comes, being thankful for the good in your life (Gratitude).  I will chose my Activities with these theses in mind.

The point is that the Circle of Life does rotate and these shifts require a revisit with who you are.  What you have been is in the past, the future will be influenced by what you do, be purposeful.

More on Activities next month.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Living with Loss

“The Future ain’t what it used to be” – Yogi Berra

First, I don’t have cancer!!!

For those of you of you that read last month’s post, you will remember I was lamenting a string of health incidents, one of which was a cancer screening necessary because of some unusual test scores.  I passed the screening with flying colors.

But the real point of this post is what I learned in the two months while I awaited the procedure and what I learned or affirmed about Living in the Bucket. I won’t repeat the musings I was having (if you want to read them go to January’s post Walking the Talk).   What I really want to share is my perspective after having been through those long sixty days.

First, we all must learn to cope with loss, both big and small. The simple truth it is a fact of life, you will lose health, things, people, etc. over your lifetime, some big, some small. In most cases, you will have little control over these events.  For me, the thought of losing some of my most treasured activities was emotionally overwhelming. So much so that, for a while, I was dejected.

The experts tell us that humans feel the pain of loss three times more than the euphoria of gain.  My years of Financial Life Coaching confirmed that in regards to money.  I think it is true in most areas of life.  In fact, the fear of loss is almost as powerful. 

However, just as with most things in life, there is a veiled opportunity inside those negative mindsets. We all have a deeper ability to cope than we realize.  The first step is to allow your resources to get though the haze of gloom.  My first one was the outpouring of support from one of my most treasured assets, my friends.  Friendship is something you earn through your actions, not by words.  If you don’t invest some of your resources to building your base of friends, when you need to access this valuable source of Vigor, it simply will not be there.

Next, affirm your value system.  You spent (or should have) a great deal of your resources building your views, stick with them, especially when they are tested.  Finally, look for the affirmative point buried in your loss, I assure you there is one, but digging for it will take effort.  As a rock climber once told me “The hard part of moving upwards is not grabbing the higher hold, but letting go of the lower one that is firmly in your grasp.”  Once you find that “higher” point, adjust and keep moving up.  It’s the journey not the route.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Walking the Talk……

“These are the times that try men’s souls” – Thomas Paine

I have always believed that some structure should be in place to help one live a fulfilling life.  In my career, I embraced Life Planning as a methodology to help people define and act on their real life goals.  After I transitioned into a scaled down lifestyle, I started this blog with the idea I could continue to provide some inspiration to anyone who might use it.  My way of “paying it forward".

But be careful what you advocate for, because your resolve may be tested!  Its one thing to promote an ideology, but it can be quite another thing to act it out in the strong winds of adversity.  We all have had are “faith” tested and have all experienced the sobering feeling of failure and the confidence of success.

My first big personal test came when I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I had no idea what to expect going forward, but the words that stuck in my mind were “incurable” and “degenerative”. My struggle to come to terms with my condition gave birth to the concept of Living in the Bucket.  Now, five years later, my tremor has remained the same and I have yet to take any of the serious meds for the disease.  One battle that I seem to be winning.

This brings me to this past holiday season.  At my annual physical, my PSA blood test jumped 35%.  My doctor had been after me to have a prostate biopsy done for the past several years, as the tests showed elevated levels.  I relented and agreed to have the procedure, leery of the process, since my Father had passed away from prostate cancer.

On December 22^nd, three days prior to the scheduled procedure, I came down with the worst case of flu of have ever had,  The first five days I was so sick, I could not get out of bed.  For the following ten days, I wondered around the  house in a fog, constantly coughing.  Then my wife came down with it and only now is starting to feel normal.  All of this caused us to alter our original holiday plans.  

My wife (not yet afflicted) held our traditional Christmas dinner, but I just barely made it to the table, stayed for the blessing and retreated back to bed. 

 

Later, surgical mask in place, I returned for a brief participation in the opening of presents, but had to go back to bed. My surgery was cancelled and we basically missed the whole holiday season.  We both were disappointed that we missed our biggest family tradition, but tried to place in the context of Living in the Bucket.....it was easier said than done. When you are challenged physically, it drains the Energy you need mentally, and with no access to Vigor, pessimism finds fertile ground.  I began to have self doubt.

 

I am now returning to my normal routine, but still have a lingering anxiety that I  might have cancer and once again will be called on to "walk the talk", to demonstrate the principles I have championed for so many years.  My procedure is in two weeks and I am working hard to get back to my Vigor Activities, so I will be ready to face the outcome.

The Lakota Sioux have a saying "what you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say"
I hope I am up to the challenge, because I owe it to each of you.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bob