From the Bottom of the Bucket

Living with Loss

“The Future ain’t what it used to be” – Yogi Berra

First, I don’t have cancer!!!

For those of you of you that read last month’s post, you will remember I was lamenting a string of health incidents, one of which was a cancer screening necessary because of some unusual test scores.  I passed the screening with flying colors.

But the real point of this post is what I learned in the two months while I awaited the procedure and what I learned or affirmed about Living in the Bucket. I won’t repeat the musings I was having (if you want to read them go to January’s post Walking the Talk).   What I really want to share is my perspective after having been through those long sixty days.

First, we all must learn to cope with loss, both big and small. The simple truth it is a fact of life, you will lose health, things, people, etc. over your lifetime, some big, some small. In most cases, you will have little control over these events.  For me, the thought of losing some of my most treasured activities was emotionally overwhelming. So much so that, for a while, I was dejected.

The experts tell us that humans feel the pain of loss three times more than the euphoria of gain.  My years of Financial Life Coaching confirmed that in regards to money.  I think it is true in most areas of life.  In fact, the fear of loss is almost as powerful. 

However, just as with most things in life, there is a veiled opportunity inside those negative mindsets. We all have a deeper ability to cope than we realize.  The first step is to allow your resources to get though the haze of gloom.  My first one was the outpouring of support from one of my most treasured assets, my friends.  Friendship is something you earn through your actions, not by words.  If you don’t invest some of your resources to building your base of friends, when you need to access this valuable source of Vigor, it simply will not be there.

Next, affirm your value system.  You spent (or should have) a great deal of your resources building your views, stick with them, especially when they are tested.  Finally, look for the affirmative point buried in your loss, I assure you there is one, but digging for it will take effort.  As a rock climber once told me “The hard part of moving upwards is not grabbing the higher hold, but letting go of the lower one that is firmly in your grasp.”  Once you find that “higher” point, adjust and keep moving up.  It’s the journey not the route.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob