From the Bottom of the Bucket

Living with Loss

“The Future ain’t what it used to be” – Yogi Berra

First, I don’t have cancer!!!

For those of you of you that read last month’s post, you will remember I was lamenting a string of health incidents, one of which was a cancer screening necessary because of some unusual test scores.  I passed the screening with flying colors.

But the real point of this post is what I learned in the two months while I awaited the procedure and what I learned or affirmed about Living in the Bucket. I won’t repeat the musings I was having (if you want to read them go to January’s post Walking the Talk).   What I really want to share is my perspective after having been through those long sixty days.

First, we all must learn to cope with loss, both big and small. The simple truth it is a fact of life, you will lose health, things, people, etc. over your lifetime, some big, some small. In most cases, you will have little control over these events.  For me, the thought of losing some of my most treasured activities was emotionally overwhelming. So much so that, for a while, I was dejected.

The experts tell us that humans feel the pain of loss three times more than the euphoria of gain.  My years of Financial Life Coaching confirmed that in regards to money.  I think it is true in most areas of life.  In fact, the fear of loss is almost as powerful. 

However, just as with most things in life, there is a veiled opportunity inside those negative mindsets. We all have a deeper ability to cope than we realize.  The first step is to allow your resources to get though the haze of gloom.  My first one was the outpouring of support from one of my most treasured assets, my friends.  Friendship is something you earn through your actions, not by words.  If you don’t invest some of your resources to building your base of friends, when you need to access this valuable source of Vigor, it simply will not be there.

Next, affirm your value system.  You spent (or should have) a great deal of your resources building your views, stick with them, especially when they are tested.  Finally, look for the affirmative point buried in your loss, I assure you there is one, but digging for it will take effort.  As a rock climber once told me “The hard part of moving upwards is not grabbing the higher hold, but letting go of the lower one that is firmly in your grasp.”  Once you find that “higher” point, adjust and keep moving up.  It’s the journey not the route.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Walking the Talk……

“These are the times that try men’s souls” – Thomas Paine

I have always believed that some structure should be in place to help one live a fulfilling life.  In my career, I embraced Life Planning as a methodology to help people define and act on their real life goals.  After I transitioned into a scaled down lifestyle, I started this blog with the idea I could continue to provide some inspiration to anyone who might use it.  My way of “paying it forward".

But be careful what you advocate for, because your resolve may be tested!  Its one thing to promote an ideology, but it can be quite another thing to act it out in the strong winds of adversity.  We all have had are “faith” tested and have all experienced the sobering feeling of failure and the confidence of success.

My first big personal test came when I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I had no idea what to expect going forward, but the words that stuck in my mind were “incurable” and “degenerative”. My struggle to come to terms with my condition gave birth to the concept of Living in the Bucket.  Now, five years later, my tremor has remained the same and I have yet to take any of the serious meds for the disease.  One battle that I seem to be winning.

This brings me to this past holiday season.  At my annual physical, my PSA blood test jumped 35%.  My doctor had been after me to have a prostate biopsy done for the past several years, as the tests showed elevated levels.  I relented and agreed to have the procedure, leery of the process, since my Father had passed away from prostate cancer.

On December 22^nd, three days prior to the scheduled procedure, I came down with the worst case of flu of have ever had,  The first five days I was so sick, I could not get out of bed.  For the following ten days, I wondered around the  house in a fog, constantly coughing.  Then my wife came down with it and only now is starting to feel normal.  All of this caused us to alter our original holiday plans.  

My wife (not yet afflicted) held our traditional Christmas dinner, but I just barely made it to the table, stayed for the blessing and retreated back to bed. 

 

Later, surgical mask in place, I returned for a brief participation in the opening of presents, but had to go back to bed. My surgery was cancelled and we basically missed the whole holiday season.  We both were disappointed that we missed our biggest family tradition, but tried to place in the context of Living in the Bucket.....it was easier said than done. When you are challenged physically, it drains the Energy you need mentally, and with no access to Vigor, pessimism finds fertile ground.  I began to have self doubt.

 

I am now returning to my normal routine, but still have a lingering anxiety that I  might have cancer and once again will be called on to "walk the talk", to demonstrate the principles I have championed for so many years.  My procedure is in two weeks and I am working hard to get back to my Vigor Activities, so I will be ready to face the outcome.

The Lakota Sioux have a saying "what you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say"
I hope I am up to the challenge, because I owe it to each of you.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

         From Ga-Ga to Go-Go

 

Those who have been following this blog for the past two years will recognize this painting (done for me by Ms. Cynthia Hobbs).  It was my attempt to illustrate my "System" in one conceptual picture.   It is my set of Domains, and Vigor activities that fuel my chosen Roles.  They are the source of Energy that invigorates me to execute my Activity goals I set each quarter.  The concept is that as you act in these Vigor activites to transfer the vitality they contain into usable strength (Vigor), just as the warmth melts the snow and forms rushing streams. As these tributaries converge they create a current of momentum that pour over into your daily activities that equips you for the best possible outcome. 

First, it is not my goal to "brag" about my adherence to my System.  My sole purpose is to present a real life (mine) example of how this works.  I just finished my activity review and I was happy to see that I completed most of the Activities I set in June.

  Under Nature, I completed a four day backpacking trip with three buddies. Plenty of fresh air, exercise, and camaraderie.  Live music around the campfire was a bonus!!  I also led several Tai-Chi sessions.

 

  In the category of Hobbies, I read three books and attended five concerts ranging from Texas Swing, to PsychoBilly Rock, to the one of a kind Lady Ga Ga.  I also started Call of Duty on the Xbox.

 

Under Health, I was only short four workouts (against a goal of sixty) and added Pilates to my regimen. In the area Doings, my wife and I had eleven dates (out) and six hours a week on "binge" watching television series (our favorite was The Crown).  I also had weekly get togethers with my buddies, at our local watering hole , to watch games.

 

The point of all this is that living a balanced life is not as abstract as it seems.  It takes Energy to live each day with engagement.  If you don't plan and track efforts to include your Vigor activities each week, the odds are that your efforts to fill your Roles will come up short and you will be discouraged.  All it takes is an extra bit of effort to write things down.  Is it worth it to you? 



 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

Stretch Yourself...............

On my recent semi-annual visit to my neurologist, we discussed my exercise program, which includes forty minutes of cardio work and 40 minutes of strength training.   She asked what I was doing for "flexibility" and I told her I was't doing anything.   She suggested I add something to my regimine that would help my suppleness.

I have always been facinated with the practice of pilates.  It seemed to offer a structured approach to something I have always had trouble with-stretching. I had discussed the exercise last year with a friend and that motivated me to start looking.  As if by magic (fate?), a new studio opened up just two blocks from my gym, so I could add studio visits to my workout and walk to both places.

I have been going for two months now, and some wonderful things are beginning to happen, but more on that later.

 

Just what does flexibility add to your life experience?  Apparently, it is part of the growth process.  Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in their  book The Power of Full Engagement, make a strong case for paying attention to how you come to things as much as  what things you come to.  They state "Energy, not time, is the Key to High Performance and  Personal Renewal.  It is the fundamental currency of high performance."  I refer to this  as "Vigor".

 

My pilates trainer says that my exercises should cause discomfort, but not pain.  Loehr and Schwartz say "we grow at all levels by expending energy beyond our ordinary limits and then recovering."  Those statements got me thinking.  It seems they are the same thing.  When we engage in actviites that "stretch" us beyond our comfort level, but within our capabilities, we are activating flexibility's power to maximize our potential-simply put - to grow.

 

In pilates, the growth is tangible as your spine begins to elongate and your posture improves.  The range of your motion extends as your muscles loosen and relax.  You strength increases as you begin to engage core muscles that have been ignored thru compensating actions that seem easier (like using your arms to get out of a chair), but actually are more harmful.

 

In life, we often take comfortable shortcuts, there by shortchanging the opportunity to increase our mental flexibility, which in turn stifles your creative thinking to see new possibilties.  In Loehr and Scwartz's  words we do not become "Fully Engaged".

 

I recommend both the book and a review of your exercise activites.  Here is a link to their tool:

 

 

 http://www.performanceprograms.com/self-assessments/personal-development/energy-profile/

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

 

beyond

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “The Unplanned Variable

”Just When you think you’ve got it down……” – Pat Benatar - Promises in the Dark

“We didn’t start the Fire, It’s been always burning since the world’s been turning….” Billy Joel – We Didn’t start the Fire

In my long career of Financial Life Coaching, I was able to see, first hand, what role human emotions play in supporting or undermining the process of making decisions.  The underlying cornerstone to Financial Life Planning is to help people discover thier conscious or unconscious emotion predispositions towards selecting a solution to the choices available ….then remind them of that process when emotions began to cloud judgment.

Even older, experienced planners recognize that the “best” solution still has a 20% “unknown” to it .  No matter how much thought goes into a solution, there are assumptions that will vary the plan.

 

How does one account in your future plans for things like the recent hurricanes?  The devastation brought on in Texas, Florida, and Peurto Rico, regardless of insurance adjustments, will alter people’s lives forever.

 

Politics aside, the world seems more at risk for disaster (man made or otherwise) than ever before.  If you let it, concentrating on these issues can truly depress you to the point of abandoning any future planning you have done.   How does one plan for global political unrest that could destroy the planet?  What about dealing with the uneasy feeling that we have “been here before”.

But we forget that pessimism is a choice and that through an effort to refocus on the positive (no matter how hard it is to find), one can return to the core foundation of his or her guiding goals. By doing so, you strengthen your focus and energy, thus improving your ability to cope and make the adjustments to your planned journey.

My point is that no one can, with 100% certainty, plan for the future.  We must expect an "unplanned" variable that will cause an adjustment to have to be made and if you have been living your life "In the Bucket" you will have the confidence and passion to execute that adjustment, returning to your core values and direction.

To coin an old phrase " Expect the unexpected" or leave a margin for the errors that are bound to occur.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Rejuvenation

My wife and I just completed a sixteen day, grand tour of the Pacific Northwest.   Starting in Colorado, and then moving on to Oregon and Washington State.  In each of these states we built the trip around visiting friends from our “former” life in business.

 

Traveling is one of the best ways to build your Vigor. I think this is because a change of scenery forces you away from your customary points of reference and compels you to react to an unfamiliar orientation.   This, in turn,  places more emphasis on your internal intuition than you normally use.  This switch in attention alone can expose some outdated reference point that you (out of habit) continue to use in your daily life.  We all need to “shake things up” in order to affirm the validity of these instinctual references, which we use in familiar circumstances almost without thinking.

Take restaurants. At home, we all have our favorites, but away, the world is filled only with possibilities (like frozen beer in Portland !).  What about relationships?  In our daily lives, we are familiar with the patterns of interaction with those around us.  Drop yourself  into a crowd of new people and every conversation is ripe with new thinking and perspective.  This is especially true of friends who we don't see often.  We stayed with three different friends and that allowed  for  extended conversations in which I learned about new music, books, and technologies that will change how I spend the rest of the year.

In some places, the vistas alone are enough to invoke a sense of awe and the realization that your home surroundings represent just a small part of the world we live in.  Crater Lake National Park (one of our stops) took our breaths away on our first day hike. 

 

 

 There is also the ever changing show Mother Earth puts on (what about the solar eclipse? Day into night into day, in  twelve minutes !)  The second day at the national park was clouded (literally) by smoke from two “uncontrolled” forest fires that threatened to close down the park.

smoke not clouds!

What does this have to do with Living in the Bucket?  I have discussed Vigor Activities in the past.  In order to assure a robust effort in each of your Roles, you must plan undertakings that are rich with the potential for rejuvenation of your excitement and awe.  Be wary of getting into a "comfort zone" where all is familiar and easy.  This state is a trap which dulls your senses and steals your creative potential.

Take some risks, try something new (even if it feels uncomfortable) and build your Vigor in a purposeful fashion.  Then you will find what is necessary to bring your best game to the challenge of meeting the full potential of your Roles.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “Role Gravity”

One of the central themes of this blog has been that if you allot your resources between the Roles you play in your life; it will lead to a balanced outcome and increase the possibility that your sense of fulfillment will heighten

But life is not always equal in its demands on your resources.  As much as we try to allocate, in a purposeful manner, the resources we have available, there are times when certain Roles require more attention than normal.   This has two effects.  First it diminished the Vigor Activities which provide the necessary fuel to fulfill your Roles and second it takes away time from the Activities associated with the other Roles. In real life, that is just a fact.  So how do you achieve balance when life pulls you out of balance?

The first step is to realize you are out of balance.  Your body will probably tell you this long before your mind notices something is amiss. That is one reason why exercise is so important; it adds strength to your body’s endurance.  Another (more analytical) way is to simply refer to your Activity Goal sheet (see below) and note any deficiencies.  The most common circumstance is when life presents you with an acute situation that must have your full attention.  In this case you must forgo Balance for a while and center yourself in the issue at hand.

One of the helpful resources at times such as these is Relationships.  Having someone that you can talk to is a tremendous help.  If you have not invested the time and energy to build a solid, intimate relationship with such people, you are going to feel the cost of that at times like these.   Stephen Covey calls these resources The Emotional Bank Account and like a real bank account, you must make deposits in order to have the ability to make withdrawals. The time for doing that is before you need to call on that resource. Hopefully you are allotting some of your Energy in building this valuable resource.

It is also meaningful to try to devote some time, no matter how small, to your other Roles so you don’t become disconnected from them.   During these moments you may find an idea that helps solve the issue at hand.  If you are working hard at being a son or daughter, try spending a bit of time as a sibling or a spouse.

Above all, you must seek the path back to the center of Balance.  It may take longer than you would like, but your course my always be heading in that direction.  This will increase your Vigor and build your confidence.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob