From the Bottom of the Bucket

“So you say this is Christmas

Well, what have you done?”  - John Lennon

Home for the Holidays

It’s Christmas morning at the Cole household.  “I’ll be home for Christmas” has a whole new meaning this year as my wife Sandy and I begin our ninth month in the special mode of isolation. This is added to the long list of adjustments everyone has had to make in 2020.   All this change has forced us to dig deeper into ourselves and find ways to honor how we affirm what we really believe in and the actions we adopt as the “new” normal.

One of the aspects that changed almost immediately was my exercise.  With the closure of the gym, I had to retool my weekly routine.  Which meant my cardio work went from elliptical to walking. It seems ironic to me that at this late stage of my life that I, my balance having improved since the days of my infancy, should return to the activity that I started out on,

My walks take me thru a park nearby, which the city has closed to automobile traffic so pedestrians can walk in solitude.   Each time I walk, I pass people with a greeting that normally goes “good morning”, but on Christmas Eve I replaced it with “Merry Christmas”.  While some stare ahead, oblivious to the world around them, most people acknowledge the greeting with one of their own.  It was during this walk that I had my first “peace on earth” Moment.

I felt the joy and kindness in each Merry Christmas, as people who wanted nothing more than a simple connection to humanity that has been missing so much from this year. The sincerity of this connection felt good.  It wasn’t a simple gesture, but a phrase that embodied the message of the holidays, peace on earth good will to men.

During these challenging times, don’t forget that there is good to be found in our daily Activities, remember to embrace the positive possibilities of the moment.  It takes a special effort, but the rewards are worth it. 

Until next month, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

“ The nearer your destination, the more you”re slip siding away” – Paul Simon

The Same Thing….Only Different.

I’m baaack….!

You may or may not have noticed, it’s been five-month break in publishing this blog.  That pause in the thirty-plus years of its history was due to a number of factors.  The most relevant was my commitment to not post if I didn’t feel I had something positive to share. Finding something positive in the current environment has proved to be a challenge, but here goes.

I am struck about all the gnashing and wailing of so many people.  They decry the current situation as “the end of the world”. I can’t help but counter this mindset with “been there, done that”.  Without going into specifics, my seventy plus years of experience keeps telling me while the circumstances might be different, the challenges are pretty much the same as they always have been.   If we can just step back from the emotions of the moment, we can see that the root of all this anguish is basically the same as it always has been, to ascribe to the higher ideals of civilization.   A central theme of these ideals is “we” instead of “me” or taking the high road.

We only have a limited amount resources to direct during our short existence in this world. It seems to be a better use of them to focus on compassionate behavior.  As with most things, the simple concepts are the richest.  Understanding, love, honor and duty are well known ideals.  We just need to put more effort in to translating them into our daily Activities. This will not happen casually.  We have to stop before each action and ask ourselves “Does this action represent the best of me?”

The foundation of this blog has been a structure which I call The System.  It is a practical format that emphasizes Roles, Activities, and Fulfillment.  It really doesn’t matter if you use this model or not.  What does matter is that you be thoughtful and aligned in your life, using the core ideals of mankind as your guiding beacons.  After all, that is what the human experience is all about.

Finally,  I want to thank all my friends for their input and feedback.  Your point of view is an invaluable tool in helping me “walk the talk”.  I can only hope that I have somehow returned the favor.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “Enthusiasm is a Choice”

“This is for all the lonely people, thinking life has passed you by…

Don’t give up till you drink from the Silver Cup

You’ll never know until you try….” - America…

Day 1 of my future.  These past five months have been learning experience.  I am sure you can say the same. It is times like these that out true character is revealed to ourselves. Stripped from all the distractions of “normal” life, we tend to gravitate to our authentic character and left without interruption, we reinforce this personality thru repetition.

I know I have had a difficult time with this.  My efforts to affirm my beliefs have been drowned in a sea of negativity.  Me, who thrives on laughter haven’t heard any for quite some time. My yearning for adventure has been limited to the walls of my home.  My enjoyment of spontaneity has been starved under the weight of routine.  It is all to easy to lose sight of my vow of “constant growth”.

But again and again I am drawn back to my Mission Statement.

The work I put into drafting this statement, some thirty years ago, has helped me through some tough times. Today is no different.  Dan Crenshaw in his book Fortitude says that the ability to choose your response is the only area that we totally control and that freedom must be guided by s strong sense of beliefs and values.

I hope that you have had the opportunity to define, in the most concise manner possible, your core ideology. It will serve as a guiding light as you travel through the inevitable periods of darkness in our lives.  If you would like a worksheet to assist in drafting one, drop me an email and I will send one to you.

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “Back to The Past.”

“If I could turn back time….” Cher

One of the more fascinating aspects of sleeping is dreaming.  Some of the medications I take for my Parkinson’s has a side effect of affecting this process.  Dreams tend to be clearer and more real, which can be good or bad.

Recently I had a dream which, as I often do, caused me to reflect on my real life.  I suppose that here is a direct connection between those two thoughts, but I will leave that to Dr. Freud and company.  Let’s continue. The main story line is that somehow (dreams don’t submit themselves to the measure of realism) I was granted the right to go back in time to a period that was exactly two years ago to the day, that is July 2018.  My location was at some party where all of my friends had gathered.  I had full knowledge of how the next two years would affect each of them, but I could not share that information directly with them.  As I mingled around the room, the conversations ranged from “What have you been doing?” to “What have you got planned?”...,the usual party banter.

I moved about listening in on these conversations, smug with my knowledge about what was actually going to happen.   I cold not resist to drop a few comments. 

“You might consider acquainting yourself with the use of a facemask. ”  I offered.

“The stock market still has room for growth” I quipped, carefully noticing who and who didn’t note my remarks.

As the old song goes, I wish I didn’t know now, what I didn’t know then!

When I rejoined the “real” world the next morning.  The thought occurred to me that, if that situation applied to me, what would I tell myself?  I went back, as a point of reference, to Living in the Bucket, July 2018 edition, entitled  “The ‘On Purpose’ Person. In that column, I discussed how I had used my System to Organize and Align my resources to the process of leading a fulfilling life.  I talked about being the Subject of one’s sentence of life, not the Object.  In short, controlling how we react to life, rather then letting life act on us.   Any advice the experienced Bob would render to the Bob of the Past?

The only thing that came to me is to add to your daily routine, some exercise that would call on you to reinforce how fragile life REALLY is and build the abilities to deal with life daily, before you need use them.  Try to make, in all your daily Activities, the philosophical concept become a real experience. For me, it was an interesting exercise. 

Why don’t you look back on your calendar to two years ago, remind yourself where you were at that time and think about what advice you would give the you of the past?  It might help you be better prepared to handle the next two years.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

            “When Life Gives You a Lemon……..”

There's a dark and a trouble side of life
There's a bright and a sunny side too
Though we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also have in view.



So keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help you every day it will brighten all the way
If you'll keep on the sunny side of life. –  An old country  standar

d

This pandemic has brought a whole series of lessons about ourselves.  I know I am not unique in tis respect, but since my observations are limited by my perceptions, I am going to share what I have noticed.

First the challenge has increased for those of us that are committed to “the sunny side of life”.  I believe that optimism is a choice that one makes by constantly looking for the good in your experiences. Here are a couple of examples from my recent experiences

My friend Greg has spent the better part of the last five years working on transforming sixty acres of rural backwoods into a spiritual nature preserve. He took this on as a tribute to his wife, who died just before that time.  E has adorned the sanctuary with Native American sculptures (carved out of trees standing on the grounds). He also has formed several lakes and a stone bluff (named for his deceased wife) overlooking the creek that threads through his property.  I recently broke quarantine to attend a campout celebrating the dedication of this mystical place.  It is truly a magical space, made all the more profound by the fact that he has done the lion’s share of the work by himself !

During that event, I received a text from my daughter.  She was alarmed that her son, who is a military policeman in the air force, had been deployed to help with the civil unrest that swept our country.  This is the same grandson that I introduced to the woods on long hikes.

He was being tested at age twenty-five and though he had been trained, it was the first time for the real thing. He did fine (as I knew he would) and learned a few things about himself in the process.

The final episode came this weekend.  We have a group of people that meet once a month to go to a movie, then a restaurant for a dinner discussion along with some wine (mostly the later ).  Well the pandemic took its toll on that event, but we missed the interaction.   My wife, using technology we have learned, set up a Zoom meeting for us.  The movie was streamed live in 4k and premiered last week.  We attended opening night (virtually) and will gather electronically with the group later this month.

What do all these events have in common?  A death, civil unrest, and a pandemic adjustment.  All were met with a positive attitude and transformed into something else.  Optimism is NOT a natural state of mind.  It must be cultivated to be a response through daily practice. It is a habit easily abandoned to gloom and despair, but a little effort you too can walk on the sunny side. 


Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.



Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Mind Games

“We're playing those mind games together
Pushing the barriers, planting seeds” – John Lennon

Day 61 of social isolation.  Two months with no human contact.  I have spent most of the time exercising (virtually, by Zoom, except for walks , which were done in social distancing) reading, playing video games on Xbox and watching movies as well as streaming series.

Perhaps this has influenced my view of things, but when I started this column almost forty years ago, I promised to share my perceptions as a was experiencing them. So here goes.

I have become fascinated with the concept of alternate realities. The games on xbox that I play are  so real visually and audio wise, that they are transformational.  My hand tremor makes reading a book difficult, so I have switched to audio books, which allows me to close my eyes and see the author’s words in my mind.  One of the series I am watching (Westworld) deals, at a deep level, in the constructs of imagining and “reality”.

But “the new normal” is just as full on conflicting interpretations as these “false” realities.  Our way of life has been altered to a different way of living,, or has it?  I think we all are basically in the same Roles, but we have had to revise the associated  Activities to fit the new circumstances.  For example, my Role as SON is still present, but since my ninety-six year old Mother is in lockdown at the nursing home, I have had to find new Activities to fulfill that Role. Circumstances are beyond anyone’s control, but how you react to them is highly individualistic.  I also think that the process of identifying those alternates requires a large amount of creativity , which in turn is dependent on your personal sense of who you are and how comfortable you are with that image..

In another words, you must work from within, when you are without. So, take some time to renew your reality and build your confidence to deal with the future. Also, remember that other people’s reality is based on their perceptions, not yours.

Until the future, I wish you fulfillment.

Bob

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          Go With the Flow, But Choose Your Own River !

You know that old trees just grow stronger,
And old rivers grow wilder every day.
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello." - John Prine

I have been slow to write this month’s post because, like me, I am sure you are tired of COVID-19 material.  Still, after almost six weeks of isolation, I think it has influenced my perspective to the extent that I must comment. So here are some observations.

1)    The real strength we are calling on has been with us all along.  We just tuned it out with social “noise”.  It is times like these that you define what you are about.  With no excuses of things “taking up” your time, your actions define what you consider important..

2)    Creative thinking was and is a habit you can cultivate. Our “normal” routines have been turned upside down.  It’s not that we have to abandon the Activities, but find new ways to do them.  Think tele-conferencing.

3)    Relationships are as important as they were before this mess, it’s just you have to be proactive about them.  This was always the case (see #1 above) but now you have run out of excuses.  Take some time each day to tell someone how much they mean to you, offer to help if you can.

4)    The Internet has been an important tool in this battle. Quit complaining about having to learn new  ways to use and embrace this media as part of your life, BUT keep it in perspective.

5)    To quote John Lennon: “All you need is Love”.  It can take many forms, but caring is an essential part of being fulfilled.

6)    Reinforce the Activities you are committed to, BUT relax on how you do them. Let the Flow take you to some new aspect that opens you to new ways of doing the routines that you feel define you.

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

 

Going Viral

          “May you live I interesting times' - A Chinese Proverb

" It's the End of the World as We know it".... R.E.M.

 

Well isn't ironic that the country that gave us the proverb above also gave us another pandemic to live  through ! It seems like everyone in the world is going to have to deal with this one.  As I write this blog, I am in Day2 of self imposed "social isolation.  Given my age and health history it seems that I am in the "at risk" group.  After listening to government and other sources, my wife and I have decided to call time out for one week and isolate ourselves from going out of the house.  We are spending the time in different ways but today we are having our annual planning retreat.  What an interesting time to talk about the future!

One of the problems with this situation is the chaos its created.  It seems tthat our traditional sources have a wide range of advice.  Take for instance the words of Dr. Carl Hammerschlag, (webmaster@healingdoc.com) one of my mentors. In his blog, he states the following:

"The coronavirus is pandemic which means it’s spreading rapidly, the fear and panic it’s generated however substantially exceeds what can be reasonably expected if one gets the illness, and that’s an epidemic.  It’s human nature to want to protect ourselves, families and communities from disease and harm. We surely ought to be washing our hands well, coughing and sneezing into a tissue, but stripping the shelves of toilet paper is panic… this is the flu…it doesn’t come out that way; and stockpiling food in preparation for months of quarantine, or the conspiracy theorists’ predictions of the coming Armageddon is equally ridiculous" (To read his full post click on the link above.)

 

Yet, another friend of mine shared a post from Facebook that has gone viral  (no pun intended) that makes the following remark:

 

"we must assume that the healthcare system cannot help us, because the hospitals will become overwhelmed very quickly. Most American hospitals will become overwhelmed in approximately 30 days unless something changes. More on this in part 2 below. So although we are in great health and unlikely to become gravely ill, the risk is greater if you do not have access to the medical care that you need."

 

With so many opinions floating around, who do you believe?  If you let fear rule your decision process, you make bad choices.  My comment is a bit more basic.  The more centered you are , the more likely you will  make better choices.   Being centered means you have a balance between your Realms and your Activities are in alignment with your Roles.   From this position of confidence, you can deal with almost anything.  Without it, almost nothing.   My wife and I are going to use this alone time to stay focused on strengthening our commitment to the future, by reviewing Our Roles, Goals and Activities.   We cannot let outside interference dominate that process. 

 

It is my hope that each of you that reads this will embrace what is given to you, shape what you can, and deal with the rest from a position of strength.  It isn't easy, but it never has been. 

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 Bob

 

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of the Bucket

          “Passion and Discipline'

 

I recently attended a talk given by the head basketball coach of a local (NCAA II National Champion) team.   I asked him what were the two values that he tried most to instill in his young athelets.  He answered unequivocally "Passion and  Discipline".  He was obviously fulfilled and his accomplishments speak for themselves, so I took his words to heart.

I began to ponder the practical application of how one would cultivate such values in his or her daily life.  Let's start with Discipline.   I feel that this word describes the ability to attain mastery over your thinking and actions. This self control demonstrates your commitment towards a purpose.  That is why I have advocated defining your Roles and Activities as a step towards identifying what you are committed to.  It is the ability to stay focused on these goals that makes up the degree that one has Discipline or not.   In my case, the  best example I can think of is exercise.  With my health , the only contribution towards improving it I can make is to try to keep my body well conditioned.   Thus I make sure that exercise is part of my Activities.  Believe me, that takes Discipline.

Passion is a different animal.  How do you develop a zeal?  I finally came to the conclusion you don't.  I think that we all have our natural interests and the business of expanding those interests is what the coach was referring to.  In The System, I refer to these as Vigor activities and they are an important because they are the fuel that discipline runs on.  You must first identify what you are passionate about, then measure the amount of resources you are allocating to advance them in your life.  Are they harmonized?

One of my passions is my marriage. I am so fortunate to have my wife, Sandy, who not only is my best friend, but also puts in the time and effort to making our life  better, not an easy task over the past two years.   For Valentine's day, she prepared a special meal and presented it to celebrate this relationship.

I count myself lucky to have such a resource to remind myself (when my Discipline falters) what is important. To be able to call on such a  resource is an invigorating experience. It also inspires me to be the same for her.

My other Passions were illustrated in the painting done for me by a friend.

 

My goal in writing this blog is to remind myself (and the reader) how critical it is to be mindful of these important Activities.   To assure that we spend a little time each day, gaining perspective and ultimately to attach fulfillment to the time you walk this earth. 

 

Until next month, I wish you fulfillment.

 

Bob